But maybe one day.
The next morning,I find I’m the last one down to the kitchen. Benny and Ruben are helping themselves to food while Kay is sitting next to Jonas. From the bright smile with which she greets me, it’s clear Jonas has conveyed the news about the ball.
‘Jonas and I have already spoken about it, and though I was going to go with periwinkle blue … I think you’d look really good in that colour,’ she adds as she looks at Jonas, then back to me. ‘But he prefers slightly darker colours, so we’ve made a compromise. More of a cornflower blue instead.’
It’s hard to hide my irritation, but I try. She is fussing over colours while I am fussing over illegal magic that could see William and me killed.
I dredge up a smile. ‘Cornflower blue. Lovely.’
‘It’s just the accents and things,’ Kay continues. ‘But we were thinking, perhaps you might wear something in a similar shade? You know, family colours? William could wear the same colour too, and it would be fine. People would just think it was because of his relationship to Jonas. No one would suspect it’s because of us.’
‘Matching colours,’ I say faintly, trying to outwardly give a fuck.
This is an important day for her, and no matter my own woes, she deserves as much of my enthusiasm as I can muster, no matter how little that transpires to be.
I always hoped that one day I would be there to see my little sister get married. To watch her have the day of her dreams with the man she loved.
Now I’m feeling rather grateful to have missed the event.
‘Kay didn’t get the wedding ceremony that most people would have,’ Jonas says, seemingly reading my thoughts. ‘It only seems right that she should get the ball of her dreams. Don’t you agree,Rose?’
There is a hardness to his voice, and the way Jonas holds my gaze, fixed and unblinking, it’s almost as though he’s threatening me not to say anything to upset my sister’s good mood. Like he’s actually her genuine husband. I suppose, now, he is.
I nod my head dutifully. ‘I don’t know the difference between cornflower blue and periwinkle blue,’ I say, ‘but tell me what to wear and I’ll wear it. Just make sure there’s room for me to have my leathers underneath. We’ll be going straight from the ball.’
Three hours later,I’m regretting my choice of words, because while Benny, Caz, and Ruben are sorting things for the journey, I am standing in front of a mirror with a seamstress sticking pins in the fabric around me.
She’s shown me various fabric swatches, and I’ve come to the conclusion that there is zero difference between cornflower blue and periwinkle blue, or if there is, my eyes aren’t skilled enough to see it. Kay and I are now standing in dresses of identical colour. They are, however, very, very different in style.
‘Do you think it’s too much?’ Kay asks as she spins in a circle. The blue hue of her dress is accented with silver beads that glimmer like snowflakes. The sleeves are wide, draping around the wrist, and there’s an array of flowers embroidered along the hem and under the seams.
‘Do you like it?’ I respond.
‘I think it’s marvellous.’ There’s so much awe in her voice, so much light in her eyes. She has honestly never looked more beautiful. And that’s saying something. Something in me softens.
‘Then it’s not too much,’ I reply with a smile. ‘Not at all. It’s absolutely perfect. You look incredible. Beautiful.’ And so like Mother it makes my heart hurt.
Her face beams as she gazes at her reflection for a moment longer before shifting her attention back to me.
‘I only wish I had Mother’s ring to go with it. It would match perfectly, don’t you think?’
‘It would,’ I agree sadly. It wasn’t Kay’s fault that she lost the ring during one of the trials, but I miss it all the same.
Still, we have plenty of Mother’s belongings now that we have the house back, and I’m sure if I looked, I’d find plenty of pieces of jewellery. But that was the one ring – other than her marriage bands – that she brought with her when she was stripped. The one item of jewellery she always wore.
‘And what about your dress?’ Kay asks. Hope hitches in her voice as she interrupts my musings. ‘Do you like yours, too? I wanted something to match the dress you wore at the Retterheld ball. They suited you so well.’
The sentiment goes deeper than she knows.
Llinos altered my Retterheld dresses for me. They were all unique but with a signature style: the cut-out at the front and black leather shorts underneath. Kay has kept those elements and paired them with a flowing black skirt and a loose, cornflower- or periwinkle-blue top. It’s not something I would’ve picked out myself, but I have to admit the colours work really well.
‘I like it. I like it very much.’
‘You’re not just saying that?’
‘Trust me, I don’t think I could have picked better myself.’
It’s hardly a great compliment given my complete lack of personal style, but Kay beams.
