He could’ve known me just as well if he’d paid more attention.
He let out a muffled groan. “Everything will be better soon, okay? Can’t you just take my word for it, hon?”
Honwas worse thanhoney, but I held back an eye roll.
“Honesty and openness, babe,” I whispered. “Look at how bad it’s become without it.”
“It’s bad because you don’t trust me,” he pouted.
God, he’s whiny.
Why did I stay with him for so long?
But I knew why. Because every time I pulled away, he would turn on the charm. Become relentless.
More than that, he was familiarity at a time when the rest of the world felt daunting and far too big around me.
I knew why I let him ferret his way back in, but his determination to keep me didn’t make sense. It especially didn’t make sense that he’d told Maddie he would happily implode our lives to do it. Things between us had been shitty for a while. We didn’t have a lot in common anymore. Sex was… fine. He was my only experience, so I didn’t have a lot to compare it to. But it wasn’t like we had an electric chemistry that made porn look vanilla. I wasn’t that great in bed.
Okay, I was worse than that. I was boring.
On the rare occasion we hung out, he was too distracted and distant to even do anything.
But the spoiled apple didn’t fall far from the rotten tree.
With the distance I’d tried to put between us, I’d become something he couldn’t have.
A prize to be won.
Maybe that’s what I need to change. I’ll come on heavy. Clingy. If I take all the chase out of it, he’ll get bored without the challenge and be the one to end things without creating chaos.
I can do that.
I can totally…
What? Essentially prostitute myself out and hope it doesn’t backfire? Pray I don’t have to keep it up for months? Or worse, years? Should I marry him and have his babies while I wait for him to leave me?
I can’t do that.
I might not have been willing to commit to the bit to that extent, but I did my best to play nice. Keeping hold of my temper, I pointed out, “I don’t trust you because you’re lying to me.”
“No, it’s because you’re neurotic, anal, and too stuck up your friends’ asses. Which is fucking funny because you never let me up yours.”
Annnnnd we’re done.
“Okay, this was a waste of time.” I pulled the phone away from my ear to hang up on him, but his shouting made me pause.
“Wait! Shit, Greer, wait. Gimme a second.”
I contemplated hanging up anyway, but that little bubble of hope in my chest stopped me. I gave it one last try as I laid it on thick.
My syrupy sweet tone.
My wounded softness.
The blind love and dedication I’d felt for him in the beginning.
I put it all into my words as I sniffled again. “I want things to be okay, Josh. So badly. I just need you to tell me the truth.”
