TJ’s head snapped back. “Here? You should go home to your parents.”
“That isn’t where I want to be. I want to be here. This place feels more like home than that house has ever felt. And I put my things in the spare bedroom. Or what was the spare bedroom? It now looks like a little girl’s room with horses and unicorns everywhere.”
TJ chuckled. “That’s Macy’s room.”
“Macy?” Who was Macy? Cody knew no one with that name.
“Toni and Carter’s daughter. When I have the boys, she comes too.”
“I always admired the way the three of you worked things out.” Macy. That was the name they’d chosen. Toni had just given birth and hadn’t chosen a name when he’d left. “What’s she like?”
“She has us all wrapped around her little finger.” TJ smiled. “None of us are complaining. Toni’s pregnant again. They weren’t having any more, then…” TJ’s smile widened.
“That’s good. I’m happy for them. I used to watch you all together and wonder why I’d been born into the wrong family.Wondered how I’d ended up with the wrong brother as my father. Carter and Cass are very different people.”
“You needed to give Cass time to get used to your sexuality.”
Cody hesitated to speak, to tell TJ what Cass had planned for him, then decided it didn’t matter if he told him. It was in the past. “Cass had booked me into a camp over the summer.” He let TJ figure out what type of camp Cody meant.
TJ’s green eyes widened. “A conversion camp? They’ve been banned.”
“Not if you know where to look, and Cass looked, and he found one. That was part of why I went to the bar. I wanted to prove to myself I wasn’t gay, then I could tell him, and it would all stop. But it didn’t. That night in the rain when you ran after me? He’d told me I had two weeks, then I was going. Not that any of it mattered. I am what I am and I’m proud of who I’ve become.” Cody stood and TJ stood as well.
“When did you get so tall?” Cody now stood a good couple of inches taller than TJ, and TJ stood at six feet. “And wide. You work out now? You hated it when I tried to get you to work out with me.”
“Like I’ve said, TJ. I’ve grown. Things had to happen for me to see who I needed to be. I like who I am now.” Cody watched TJ’s eyes move over him as he slowly shook his head. “I’m going to crash. It’s been a long day, and the unicorns are desperate for my company.” He smiled at TJ. “I decided to sleep in the boys’ room instead.”
Snorting, TJ shook his head. “Shit, Cody. I can’t believe you’re back. I need to call—”
“No, you don’t.” Cody interrupted. “That’s my call to make, and I’ll do it when I’m ready and not before.”
“Cody—”
“You don’t get to make those decisions for me. I’m an adult. I make them. I’m not that kid anymore, TJ, and you need to getused to it. Things are different now, and the sooner you accept that, the better.”
“What? Why?”
“Because I haven’t come back for them. I came back for you.”
***
Cody lay awake in bed listening to TJ move around downstairs. Turning up the way he did would have a ripple effect through his family, but that didn’t bother him. Not with his immediate family, anyway. TJ and Toni and Carter had been more of a family to him than his own, and his growing attraction to TJ had made him realize he might be gay. That had led to him going to that bar and those hours with an older man.
Yes, he had been young. Underage. But he’d made the decision. He could look back and accept that he’d been immature, believing he could handle something he clearly couldn’t, but even with hindsight, he had to accept at least a small part of the blame. He knew others wouldn’t understand, and he wasn’t there to explain it to them. It had happened. He’d suffered, and almost destroyed his life, but he had survived and had come out of it far stronger. Those mistakes had been worth it in the long run.
A creak on the stairs had Cody rolling his head on the pillow to face the door. There was no knock, and he hadn’t expected one. No doubt TJ was going over what Cody had told him before leaving the kitchen, but he wanted the man to know. He’d come home for him. Made decisions about his life so he had that chance, and he would prove to TJ he wasn’t that Cody who’d left. That child who’d walked a path that had almost killed him.
So much had happened to him during the four years he’d been away. The first year he rarely focused on. That year was a hazy memory of drugs, alcohol, sex. All the things he could doto destroy himself, and he’d almost succeeded. When given a second chance, he’d taken it.
Hearing more movement, Cody smiled. TJ looked gorgeous in his uniform. Cody had always thought so. He remembered the first time he’d really noticed TJ, and it had been not long after Carter had married Toni. A summer party that TJ had attended after he’d finished at the station. Even though he was Toni’s ex-husband, he and Carter had been friends and so TJ knew Cass, but somehow Cody had never met him.
Standing on the grass next to the table laden with food, Cody had stared. TJ, with his short blond hair and green eyes that made Cody sigh. He’d hidden inside, watching TJ through the window. Cass had come in and dragged him out. Awkward introductions where Cody barely said a word, and as soon as he could, he’d left.
The man had been more gorgeous up close, and Cody had been hard. Hard over a man. Escaping to his bedroom, he’d watched from the window, then spent the night thinking about the older man, wondering what it would be like to kiss him and do other things as well. His orgasm had blown his mind. Cody had to know, was it only TJ he reacted to in this way or other men as well.
That had led him to porn and the growing realization he might be gay. He hated it. Hated everything to do with being gay. Cass didn’t like gays either, but he kept it to himself with TJ being around. He wasn’t going to upset his brother’s friend.
When it had finally come out, Cass had arranged the camp. Cody refused to go and begged to be given a chance. He’d find a way. He wasn’t going to be gay, and that had led him to the club. He’d known what he was doing. He’d known what would happen when he’d left with the man and gone to his apartment. The sex had hurt at first, but he’d soon realized he liked it. Liked touching another man, liked doing things with other men.
