“Why TJ? Too afraid to hear what I lived through? What I survived?”
TJ looked away, stood, grabbed a beer from the fridge, then looked at Cody and nodded. “Go on.”
“I barely remember being dragged over to the ropes. The cuffs were attached to the ends. They hung me up, stripped me naked. Took their turns at me. I was in and out of it. I remember screaming when something was shoved inside. The pain made me wake up. The realization that something bad was happening. I hung there for hours as they used and abused me. Used things on and in me. I could feel the blood running down my legs. Other things too. Then one pulled out a whip and showed it to me, laughing manically, telling me how he would whip the skin from my back.”
“I struggled, pulling at the cuffs, begging to be let go. But all they did was laugh. Told me they loved it when their meat begged. Got them off. The first time the whip hit… the pain exploded through me. I screamed. I screamed so much I lost my voice. I tugged on the cuffs, pulled and pulled until my wrists were slick with blood and my hand slipped through one of the cuffs. They didn’t notice. Somehow, they just didn’t see, and I hung from one cuff, the whip still hitting me.”
Cody sipped more water and TJ closed his eyes, struggling to maintain his composure. “How old were you?” The words came out hoarse, and he coughed to clear his throat.
“Seventeen. I’d turned seventeen a couple of months earlier.” Cody exhaled heavily, looked at TJ. “I managed to get my other hand free and fell to the floor. They laughed, one of them running over to kick me, but I got up. Staggered outside. Nakedand bleeding, the rain falling. A storm had come, and I hadn’t noticed. I ran, or stumbled, staggered. I had to get away, but I was so weak and… and I had no strength. Naked, the wind howling around me, the rain slashing at me, hard and cold, and I fell. I kept falling, stumbling and running through bushes that cut my skin, branches that slapped my face, but it didn’t matter. I had to get away, but I had no idea where I was or where I was going.
I slipped and fell on the muddy ground, crawling forward. I fell and rolled onto my back, praying for death to swoop in and take me away. I think I cried, but you know when people are near death, and they call for their mom?” TJ nodded. “I didn’t do that.”
“Cody…”
“I thought of you.” TJ snapped his mouth shut and stared wide-eyed at Cody. “I pushed up, staggered forward, fell again. Passed out due to the pain. I heard a whine. Felt a snort of air. Freya.” A soft smile crossed Cody’s face. “Freya.”
“Freya?”
“Someone picked me up. I remember feeling weightless. Seeing the storm clouds rolling above as I lay wrapped in a blanket. Inside a house, a bedroom. Mumblings around me. Pain as my back was treated. I screamed out, tried to stop it, but then was lost again.”
“When I fully came back, I lay in a bed. Arm hooked up. I learned later I’d begged not to go to the hospital, that I didn’t want him to find me. Cass.” Cody swallowed, sighed. “A large black man, sat in a chair watching me and when I looked at him, he stood and shouted ‘Mama.’ Jedson r Jed as I call him. He helped to show me there was a better path to follow.” Cody blinked, a tear falling, rolling down his cheek. “He’s as tall as me. Big and strong. Mama came in. All five feet of her, her red curlspiled high on her head. I remember lifting my hand and tracing the freckles on her pale cheeks.”
“She said…” Cody’s voice broke, and he cleared his throat. “She said, ‘my sweet boy’, and she touched my face.” Cody lifted his hand, his palm touching his right cheek. TJ saw the jagged breaths Cody took, but waited. He knew Cody had more to say. “I cried. I cried so hard, and she held me as best she could with my wounds.”
“I stayed on their farm as I recovered. Jed would sit with me, show me how to do all these different types of knots. Their three boys would come too. Pester me about homework. Their youngest is gay too, and I watched Jed with him and wondered what I’d done wrong to have Cass as my father.”
“They helped me get back on my feet, finish my education. They picked me up every time I fell, every time I lost my shit and begged for something, anything, to end the pain. Not just the physical pain. It took them a long time to help me find out who I wanted to be. I learned about horses and cattle and farming. They have a small farm outside of Carrington, but they would drive me to see a therapist. I resisted at first, but Mama and Jed aren’t the kind of people to back down from a few harsh words.”
“Carrington is miles from Whitehall.” How had Cody gotten there? In the car when he’d been driven to the barn?
“Yeah, it is, but it was where I needed to be. Therapy, working the farm, good food, and seeing how a family should be. The love they gave me as if I was one of their boys. It helped. If you were to ask me who my parents are, I would tell you Mama and Jed are. They saved me, helped me put myself back together. Helped me to become proud of who I am. I owe them everything, and they’ve asked for nothing in return.”
“Why come back then? You must know at some point Cass and Emily will hear you’ve returned.”
“I don’t care about them. I haven’t for years, and I don’t even know my sister anymore.”
How could Cody think so little about his family? TJ knew things hadn’t been great, but the complete lack of interest worried him, especially about Cassandra. “She’s doing well. Misses you.”
“Hmm.” Cody finished his water, wiped his face. “You are the only reason I came back.”
“I’m... It can’t…”
“What is it? My age? Cass? We’re not related.”
TJ furrowed his brow and stared Cody in the eyes. He had to put a stop to this now. “You’re twenty and you’ve—”
“What are you going to say? You’re too young, Cody. I’m too old for you. You should go out and live your life. Have fun with people your own age.”
That stumped TJ because it was exactly what he was going to say. “Well, yeah.”
Cody chuckled. “Been there and have the scars to prove it.” Cody stood, put his used bottle in the recycling. “You need to forget about my age. It’s just a number and I’ve lived more in my twenty years than most people live in their entire lives. I’m not a child. I’m not barely a man either. Iama man. Iaman adult. I have experienced more of the world than you, TJ. Gone through more than you, as well. I stopped being a kid as I lay dying in that field. And I was dying. When I’d recovered, Doc told me how bad I was. How close I came to dying.”
“Why weren’t you in a hospital then?” TJ snapped. “Why did they keep you on the farm? That’s neglect.”
“I begged them not to, and Doc is Mama’s brother. He stayed for the first couple of days, then came after surgery every night. He stitched me back together, gave me antibiotics and other drugs to keep me going.”
“He still should—”
