“Havewhat?” I’d asked.
“You know.”
I did know, but her question irked me. Yes, maybe sometimes I could come off territorial about Ren, but not in a way that made it hard for me to share him with the rest of the world. Instead, in a way that made me almost angry at other people who didn’t love him like I did.Look at this person!I would find myself thinking when he and his college girlfriend broke up.You have the best person in the world in front of you, and you don’t even realize it!No matter how badly I might screw up, I had done one undeniably good, smart thing in my life when I befriended Ren Webster at the ripe old age of three, and it bothered me that people sometimes thought they knew our friendship better than I did.
“Hmm,” Everly says now, swirling the wine in her glass. “If you two really aren’t dating, do you mind if I take a crack at him?”
“Everly!” Amina whacks her arm at the same time I say, “Take acrackat him?”
Everly shrugs a narrow shoulder. “I don’t know. It’s hard to meet people nowadays. Do you know if he’s seeing anybody?”
The question embarrasses me. Or, the fact that I can’t answer with a hundred percent confidence does. Why, over the course of the past two days, not to mention the last ten months, have I not thought to ask Ren if he’s seeing anybody? Because he would have told me, surely.
But then again, maybe not. When I asked Ren if he’d ever slept with anybody our sophomore year of college, his face went so red that I knew the answer was unequivocally yes and that we also wouldn’t be discussing it. He’s never been one to share details of his relationships with me, while I throw them around like I’m worried I won’t get a chance to voice them before things end, texting him play-by-plays of bad dates and asking for advice.
“You know,” I say to Everly now. “I honestly don’t know.”
“Hmm,” she says, the sound grating against me.
Once the boat has stopped, it’s time for the ceremony. Ren finds me on the deck, and Everly follows us into a back row and sits on Ren’s other side. Behind the happy couple, the water stretches out, sparkling, but all I can focus on is Everly’s pinky finger, seeming to strain toward Ren’s thigh as Lydia and Isaac recite their vows. If Ren notices, he doesn’t give any indication.
We move inside for dinner, to tables draped in white linens and flowers the same shade, a dance floor in one corner and a bar in the other. The dipping sun filters golden through the windows. We’re not at the same table as Everly, but by the time dinner is over, she’s practically burned a hole through the back of Ren’s head from her seat across the room.
“You should dance with Everly,” I say, nodding in her direction.
Ren’s knee brushes against mine under the table as he turns to look at her. She glances away quickly, waits all of two seconds before her eyes dart his direction again, but he’s already turned back to me, one side of his mouth twisting in a confused smirk.
“What are you talking about?” he asks me.
“Everly’s into you.”
Ren half rolls his eyes as he picks up his glass.
“Ren,” I say.
He takes a drink, swallows, sets his glass down again before fixing me with a mock-serious expression. “Joni.”
“Dance with her.”
“Why?”
“Because she likes you.”
“So?”
“So, that’s usually how two peoplemeet,” I say.
“I’ve already met Everly.”
“Ha ha. Why don’t you want to dance with her?”
Ren’s teeth run over his bottom lip. “Why do you want me to dance with her so badly?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “I just think it might be good for you.”
“Goodfor me.”
“Is there a reason you maybe shouldn’t dance with her?” I ask. Since Ren doesn’t often share this type of information with me, I don’t know how else to broach the subject other than this roundabout method. I know he doesn’t mean it to come off this way, but the fact that he withholds stuff sometimes makes me feel like he doesn’t fully trust me or like I’m giving more of myself to him than he is to me.
