Breathe, right.
I gulped at the air and hit my chest, turning to look at Lila who was watching me with concern.
“Are you alright?”
I held up a finger, silently asking for her to give me a minute.
Lila, who had never once recorded anything with me, had filmed her and thatbastardhaving sex while she was pregnant with my baby. I couldn’t explain the rage that overtook me, nor the gnawing jealousy that made me want to rip out my scalp. I knew she’d slept with him, and that was bad enough, but this?
I felt like I’d been punched in the balls.
“Did you…” I took another deep breath and tried to steady myself. “Want me to see that?”
Because fuck, if I saw that video, it would be the end of that bastard. I’d find him, I swore to god. It would also probably be the end of me.
Lila nodded. “Yes.”
Brutal pain sliced through my chest, and I nodded, dropping my head into my hands. She’d wanted me to watch her being fucked by someone else, just like she’d had to watch me fucking Cami. I just wasn’t as strong as her.
“How does that feel, Victor, knowing that?” the doctor enquired, as Lila stared at her hands.
“Brutal,” I admitted, unable to ignore the unwanted imaginary film running though my head of him fucking Lila. “I can’t believe it.”
“Yet you filmed your sex act, didn’t you? Isn’t it the same?” The doctor tilted her head as I shook mine furiously.
“I didn’tknowshe was filming us,” I snapped. “And I’d rather die than let Lila see that shit.”
There was a pause.
“So, is it the fact that Lila wanted you to see it, or the fact she even recorded it, that’s bothering you?”
“Both? I just… I’ve thought every day about how much that must’ve torn you up, Lila, watching that video of me and her.” I couldn’t even say her name. “It had to be the worst feeling in the world, or so I imagined. Knowing that you wanted me to feel that pain…” I shook my head. “But it makes sense. I’m just jealous as fuck when it comes to you.”
The doctor nodded her approval. “Exactly. Jealousy is the issue here, but we are in a safe space, and Lila is being honest. Why did you want Victor to know about the recording, Lila? Do you want him to see it? Would it give you some sort of closure that he gets to feel what you did?”
My mouth fell open as I waited for her to answer.
Please say no. I’ll die.
“Not anymore,” Lila responded softly. “I’ll destroy it.”
But something felt wrong.
“Why?” I whispered, turning to her fully. “Why wouldn’t you want me to watch it?”
Lila sighed, and I wanted to scoop her into my arms and take her away from our horrible reality. She’d never deserved any of this. This was my fault.
“Because it hurts like nothing else,” she said softly, a sad smile on her lips. “For the same reason you didn’t want me to seeyourvideo. I was just angry and out for revenge.”
“You had every right to feel that way,” I told her thickly, my heart shattering into pieces at her words. “Every damn right.”
Lila nodded. “I know. But now I don’t want to put you through it.”
Goddamn, this woman was fucking something else. She was a force to be reckoned with, and I wanted to fall to my knees right here and now and beg her to marry me again. I loved her to her fucking core.
“You can burn my truck again when I get it if you want?” I offered weakly, and even the doctor chuckled.
“Nah, you’ll need that for the baby.”
