I pointed to where my dad was passed out in his chair. I walked in and shut off the TV as I headed to the back of the trailer where my room was. I glanced back to make sure he followed. He was tiptoeing and frowning, as always, past the snoring beast.
“Close the door.” I sat on my bed and pointed to the fiberboard door.
Ford swallowed. He took off his coat and folded it over his arm. He hovered with his back to the door. His throat made a weird sound. He refolded his coat and shifted on his feet.
“What’s your deal?”
“It’s your room.” His cheeks reddened.
“Oh my god, do you think I’m gonna try and seduce you with my dad two steps away?”
“No.” But he looked to the left.
I rolled my eyes. “Oh Lord. Want me to ask Mrs. A. if one of her cats can be your chaperone? I don’t want to upset your delicate sensibilities.” I did one of the accents that made him laugh.
And it worked. I sucked in my lips because I wasn’t ready to forgive him but dammit I loved his laugh. I wanted to make him laugh every day.
“No, it’s not that.” He moved and sat next to me on the bed. “It just feels intimate. Seeing where you sleep.”
He blushed again. I would have paid a month’s worth of tips to know what he thought in that moment.
“I’ve lived here my whole life. It’s really not much.” I shrugged and examined my room through his eyes.
I had a vanity that used to be Momma’s covered in old stickers and makeup stains. A white three-drawer dresser missing a handle with one drawer lopsided because it broke forever ago sat next to the door. I had at least closed my closet so he couldn't see that madness. The walls were wood paneling that had warped in places where the rain leaked in. It looked junky and old. I couldn’t remember what color the carpet used to be. If cleanliness was godliness, no wonder I was labeled a fallen woman.
I should have stayed and talked with him in the car. “It’s not much…I know it’s not.”
Ford held my hand. “I like it.”
I huffed out a breath of disbelief. “Right. It’s basically the Ritz.”
He turned my chin toward him and my heart skipped.
“I do. I like it because it’s all you. I like it because you’re sharing it with me.”
I swallowed. “You’re crazy.”
He shrugged. “I know.” He relaxed back on the bed, balancing on his hands. “What are those for?” He nodded towards the old dance trophies.
“Those are nothing. When I was little I did some competitions. They give them to everyone.”
“They all say first place.”
I shrugged.
He squinted his eyes to read them better. “What happened after 2001?”
I chewed my lips. “Mm. That’s when Momma left and Daddy lost his job.”
He nodded. “The thing is. What I said, it wasn’t from a place of judgment. I said it from a place of experience.” He held my gaze. “Enabling isn’t love. It only delays the inevitable.”
“What’m I supposed to do? Just abandon him? Like Momma did? Like everybody else does? Like everybody expects me to?” I snapped. I didn’t mean to. I could tell it cost him something to admit that to me.
He shook his head. “You could get him help.”
“Oh sure, with all my extra cash. I know you said you know but you can’t possibly understand. This didn’t happen overnight. It’s not like I enjoy seeing this version of him. It crept up slowly over the years. A little worse each day. Things weren’t always so bad. He was…he is a good dad. He’s just having a hard time. He couldn’t keep his job. I didn’t realize until it was already too late. Bills had piled up and I didn’t know how bad it was. But he couldn’t work. Thankfully I could at that point. He took care of me, so now I’m taking care of him.”
“But you aren’t.”
