“Devlin. With the kids. He’s trying to get people to like him and using children as a tool. It’s sad. I feel bad for those kids.”
“I think he was just trying to interest the next generation.” I pushed my plate away. I didn’t want to think or talk about Devlin or rehearsal.
“Why not bring in the kids that go to Camp Hickory? That’s real talent. It’s still around, you know. They’ve been upgrading a little, thankfully. But man, some of the best memories, right?”
“Well. Some of them,” I said.
He searched my face. “Right. Well. Our time together, at least.”
The napkin twisted in my fingers. “You know. After camp. I wasn’t—I struggled with what happened with Ariana.”
I hoped he’d sensed my need to talk about it. I hoped he wanted to talk about it too.
“Don’t think about it. It was a tragic accident,” he said.
“I—”
His frown quickly snapped into a smile. “I’ve missed you. I never stopped thinking about you.”
I flushed. “I thought about you too.” I thought about so much.
“Yo-Yo, I want to start new. As adults. We have a wonderful history together, and that’s part of why I feel so at ease with you.”
I smiled. I had thought I’d feel at ease with him, but I hadn’t felt relaxed since we’d left.
“I want to be with you. We should give us another shot,” he said abruptly.
“Oh.” Shouldn’t this be just what I wanted to hear? A cloud hung over my head from my complicated feelings for Devlin.
“I don’t want to rush anything. Only if you’re ready. I know we were away from each other for a long time. I’d like you to take your time and get to know me again.”
“That sounds nice,” I said. “Getting to know each other now.”
“But the notes. The time at camp. You need to move on. I worry about you.”
“Your notes saved me.” If he could just understand what the notes meant for me, maybe he’d be open to talking more about everything. I didn’t want him to regret sending them.
“I was just a kid back then. I’m a little embarrassed about it.”
Was it possible that I did give the notes too much power? I was an adult who cherished a shoebox of old scribblings. It had never felt childish to me though. This wasn’t the time to breech this topic. I had too much on my mind.
“You’re right. Let’s start over,” I said. “I’ve been distracted.”
“Devlin asks too much of this symphony. I mean, God, it’s the SOOK, not New York or London.”
I took a sip of water as I felt myself bristle.
Was I self-sabotaging? Pushing Roddy away because of my confused attraction for Devlin? A man, who, by the way, had not shown any returned interest but that I continued to fawn over like a helpless teenager. Was a school-girl obsession swaying my thoughts?
I wasn’t being fair to Roddy. I was in a funk, but it wasn’t his fault. He was genuinely trying. Maybe I was over-thinking an opportunity at a renewed relationship with an old friend.
“I think I could make you happy. You don’t have to do anything.” He put his hands on the table between us and gestured for me to take them. They were soft and warm. He offered so much simple security. He had always cared about me. I needed to remember that.
“You’re a good friend.” I smiled at him.
His smile faltered for a flash. “There’s no rush. Just trust that I want what’s best for you.”
I nodded. “I trust you.”
