He stilled. “Let’s not talk about that. It was a dark time in your past. You don’t like talking about it.” His words sounded like a mantra. Like if he repeated them to me enough, I’d believe them.
“Actually, I don’t mind talking about it,” I said. “It helps me move past it. Tell me what the note said.”
“I’ve asked you not to bring up those notes. It embarrasses me.”
How had I never seen through his facade? I was a willfully blind participant in the hostile takeover of my life. The truth burned through the fog of my mind, shining light on everything.
“It was only three words. Of course you can remember,” I kept my voice light.
“I can’t remember. That was a hundred years ago. Let’s not discuss such an awful time.” His complexion grew ruddy.
“No. It wasn’t awful. It made me the person I am. I’m tired of pretending it never happened.”
“You’re all worked up. When we get back to the hotel, we’ll go to the bar and have a drink.” He loosened his tie to undo the top two buttons.
“Tell me what it said.” I knew I sounded crazy, persistent, mad. I couldn’t care less.
“That was over ten years ago. I can’t remember.”
“Three words?” I persisted.
He grabbed my hand, while the other held the steering wheel. He smiled at me in the most charming way as he glanced from me to the road. That smile had probably gotten him out of a hundred sticky scenarios throughout the course of his life.
“‘I love you,’ of course. That’s what I said. And it’s still true to this day.” He squeezed my hand.
I squeezed back before lifting it off mine. I leaned back with a sigh and smiled. It was as though I could take a full breath again. All the fear and worry about making the wrong choice melted away.
I felt weightless with relief.
“It was never you,” I said.
His coolness burned away in an instant. “Oh, for fucks sake!”
I jolted back at the sudden outburst. He’d never shown anything other than sweet insistence in my presence.
“Roddy,” I chided.
“It will never be enough, will it?”
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“I gave you everything. I do everything for you and you always go back to those fucking notes.”
“It’s not about the notes. I’m not happy here. I want to go home.” I could make this choice with no hesitation.
“The SOOK won’t have you. And nobody knows where Devlin ran off to this time. That’s what this is about isn’t it? You think he wants you still? You were a fleeting muse.” He punched the cushion of the car seat.
With Devlin, the rage always felt hollow, an empty bolster to hide his clear insecurities. Roddy felt dangerous, spitting poison before he might attack.
“This isn’t about Devlin either. I’m going home.”
I decided my own fate. No more putting my life in other people’s hands.
“This is about him. It always is,” he grumbled. Louder he said, “After everything I did for you? Carla’s sudden absence? Come on. I got you that solo.”
I blinked totally in shock. Was he really this ugly inside?
“Roddy. What did you do?”
