“Julia?”
I blink up at Nathaniel’s voice. As always, my heart skips when he says my name.
“Hi. Yes. Here. Sorry,” I say in a rushed breath.
Around the room, a few people chuckle. I glance at them, but they’re not laughingatme. Still, I have to fight the flush that’s tempted to creep up my covered neck.
“I just said why don’t you come sit at the table. You don’t need to be on the sidelines.”
My mouth opens to protest but I don’t actually have a good excuse. I’m just used to sitting on the sides. If you get too involved, if you make attachments, it only leads to trouble. Even though I’m staying and fighting, I can’t afford any more hurt. I’ve found it’s best to withhold from personal discussions because then people start to want to talk more … and then it’s second verse, same as the first.
“Sure.” I move to the main table. The only chair left is the one right next to Nathaniel. I pull my notebook closer to avoid having my doodles in the margin spotted. He smiles at me.
I swallow and pretend to take notes as he launches into the meeting updates. As he speaks, my gaze spills off my notebook to his arm controlling the mouse. Our limbs are so close that the masculine hairs on his arm are clearly visible. His soapy, clean smell fills my nose. The tendons and muscles of his forearms flex as he clicks through the presentation and it’s hypnotic and alluring. His hands are so large that the mouse looks like a child’s toy.
When he talks about the technology they’re developing, he doesn’t dumb it down, but shares in a way that even I understand. Nobody else in the room needs this remedial version, so it’s clearly for me, but I never feel belittled or talked down to. Even the other engineers are excited to share the science behind their portion of the project. Their consideration makes me feel so warmly welcomed compared to other contracts I’ve worked on.
Nathaniel’s passion for their project in particular is so evident, it’s infectious. He doesn’t talk over people. He encourages ideas and debates. He never steals ideas or mansplains. The more we work together, the more I’m in awe of him.
Sigh.
Nathaniel grows quiet as the meeting goes on. He tosses a small stress ball from hand to hand.
“And now the tests are failing for no reason. This was our one chance to catch up on the delay in schedule,” says Febin.
By the time it’s my turn to present the dread in the room is palpable. “Not to add to the list, but many of you are behind on the docs you need to deliver to me.”
A few mumbled apologies float across the table.
I decide to pull from myself an energy I don’t feel. The mood is depressing and my report is only adding to their overloaded plates. “The good news,” I say, “is that the schedule isn’t as far off as we think.”
A few heads look up from their laptops with interest. Nathaniel’s gaze on me is almost tangible. He’s stilled himself, clearly too cautious to hope, so I go on. “Yeah. Looks like there are extra days in the schedule for delays in testing. So if you can just do your best to get me reports as you pull them, I can do my best to turn them around in a day and get them out to the customer. You just concentrate on the heavy lifting and get me those reports when you can, and I can take care of the details.”
Around the room, shoulders sag in relief followed by thankful sighs. What I don’t say is that this will mean I have to start pulling even longer days to scan through their reports looking for errors and correct the complex classified markings. But I can do it. It’s what I can contribute as they do the real work. It’s my small part I can contribute.
“That’s awesome. Thanks, Julia.”
I turn to see Nathaniel smiling at me. That makes it worth it. A zing flashes through me and I slide my hands under the table just to be safe. This doesn’t make sense. I shouldn’t be this close to the surface, but I have been pulling long days. Everything sets me off lately. I must just be tired.
“We’re going to get through this,” Nathaniel addresses the team. “One day we’ll all look back and realize the long hours and struggles were worth it. You’re all changing the world. You’re a piece of history.”
The mood lifts and a few smiles spread on the faces of the engineers. They believe it too. Because Nathaniel states it as fact: their work will change the world. “You all have been spreading yourselves too thin. I appreciate you all so much, but you need some R&R.”
“Hence the doughnuts,” Jared says as he takes a happy bite.
“Yeah, but we need more than that,” Nathaniel continues. “I want you all to take the long weekend. No working Saturday through Monday. Spend time with your partners and families. Relax. You’ve earned it.” He looks around the room. “Seriously. I won’t approve anybody to work this weekend.”
“Then you can’t either,” Kate says.
He just smiles.
“And we should go out for happy hour tonight to celebrate Julia’s birthday,” Nathaniel says.
I was smiling down at my notebook when my head shoots up. The whole room grins at me. Someone’s snuck a candle in one of the doughnuts and slid it in front of me.
My mouth falls open. “How did you know?”
“We’re a small team,” Dylan says. “We like to celebrate where we can.”
