21
Julia
Something has changed in me. I am fixated on wanting what I cannot have.
After his declaration to me in the lab—I think you’re incredible—I haven’t stopped wanting Nathaniel. I already wanted him, but now I feel like I’ve been given lady Viagra and every time my thighs brush I’m close to having an orgasm. It’s desire like nothing else I’ve ever felt, literally to the point of distraction. Like right now. Sitting in a meeting discussing metrics—the world’s least sexy topic—and the sight of his forearms have my thighs squeezing together under the table. I’m embarrassing myself. But why do his arms have to be so muscular? Why does his voice have to rumble so deeply that every laugh feels like it brushes against my nipples?
There’s no relief. Nothing I can do at night under my sheets comes close to quenching the thirst. Until I can be sure that I won’t hurt them, I cannot touch him. I lose all thought when he kisses me, so how can I possibly focus on holding my powers back? It’s just not safe yet. ButGod, I want him.
The fact that he doesn’t see himself as I see him makes no sense. How could somebody so accomplished, so beloved by all, possibly see themselves so low? It makes me want to shake him, to kiss him until he gets how desirable he is.
“Julia?” His voice breaks through my thoughts.
The room is empty except Nathaniel.
“Is the meeting over?” I ask.
A slow grin spreads over his mouth. “Yeah. Where did you go just now?”
“Just thinking about dates.”
He squints skeptically. His tongue comes out to lick his lips. “Dates? Because you looked like you were in pain.”
Lordy, if he even knew. I collect my notebook and pen. I can’t be alone with him. It’s hard enough in the labs at night when we have tests and experiments to run. When it’s just us and this palpable tension. During the days, having this secret between us only adds a level of perv to my already pervy thoughts.
“Are you okay?” he asks, a little more concerned when I don’t say anything.
I want to smile and say of course. Instead, I glance to the door and swallow. “Not really.”
“What’s wrong?” His face falls as he leans forward. “Do you need to talk?” He shifts to close the door. To close us in. And I’m too close to a total loss of control to allow that to happen.
“No,” I say so fast his hand freezes mid-action. “I just wish …” My palms tingle with nerves. “I just really wish I was normal right now.”
He must see something in my eyes. My desire for him must be visible. I feel like it’s sloshing off me onto him, like waves crashing against rocks.
“What would you want—”
“Hey Big Cheese?” Jared’s question from the door stops him short. Jared glances between us and I can only hope my horniness isn’t written all over my face.
I stand up instantly.
“Sorry. I can come back?” he says with an easy smile. He doesn’t seem to notice the heat in the room. Meanwhile, my hands glow behind my back. So much for all the control I’ve been gaining.
“No. You’re good. I have to get this doc done. Talk to you guys later.” I sneak out of the room.
I’m heading back to my office but decide to make a detour to go outside for some fresh air and sun. I pace around the building until my work shoes start to cramp my arches. As I round the corner to go back to my office, I slam into somebody coming from the direction of the testing facility.
“Oh, sorry,” I say, stepping back to put more space between me and the person. I’m a live wire right now; the last thing I want to do is hurt someone.
“Julia,” Ken says, and I shrink back even farther.
“Ken.” I match his chilly tone.
He stuffs his hands deep in his pockets. “How goes Lite-Brite?”
“Fine. Good. Right on track.” I glance away, scrambling for an excuse to leave. It’s midday but we are behind the classified building with nobody else around. Why is he walking around the testing facility? Alone?
“You know …” he starts to say, before stopping himself.
