I cupped a hand to my mouth.No, no.
“What? What did you do?” My strength was crumbling. I didn’t know how much more I could take.
“It’s not like that, okay?” He cupped his hands behind his head, staring up at the sky. He took a deep breath and let it out before he dropped his arms. “I only even came here because I heard you were coming. You told me, remember? I was just telling Emma that I didn’t even want to come when I got your email.”
“Yeah, but—” Something clicked. Some minor detail that never made sense to me until now. That added to the whole surreal feeling of everything being too good to be true. “But then I told you I couldn’t come. That we couldn’t afford it and Pete … and then you told me to wait to decide.” I hiccupped in understanding. “That was you. You arranged the hotel and the flight.”
“Yes. So? That was just tangential stuff.” He waved it away like it wasn’t even a concern. Like he hadn’t even manufactured this. Like he wasn’t keeping yet another detail from me becausehedidn’t deem it worthy of being shared.
“That’s why Sally said that.” I sounded cold. Distant. “What else have you done?”
“Kate, it doesn’t matter,” he growled.
“What. Else.”
He tossed his arms out in defeat. “The meet and greet. I suggested it.” His tone had gone flat too.
“Why?”
He looked at me with red-rimmed eyes. His clenched mouth twitched before he spoke. “You said you were nervous about meeting the cast. I wanted to help calm your nerves and I wanted to see you.”
I sighed. “You understand how manipulative this is, right? I just did this. I just got out of a relationship where I was slowly being maneuvered and turned into somebody I wasn’t.”
“I’m nothing like him.” His chest heaved. “I would never do that. Kate, I just wanted to see you. I told myself that I would just see you and then we would go our separate ways.”
“You could have seen me any time!” I yelled, too high-pitched. A few people walking by shot me a look. I lowered my voice and stepped closer to him. The anger radiated off me. “I asked to see you. I told you I wanted to meet you and you told me no.” My tears were flowing so fast I had to keep scrubbing them away. I couldn’t believe this was happening. “You said no. And I told myself we would just be friends, that you weren’t interested in me that way. So I put myself out there. I made myself move on from you.”
“I know. I curse myself every day for leading you into that arsehole’s arms.”
I rubbed my hands over my face. “It’s not even about Pete. It’s not even about you.”
He glared at the ground. “He’s the one that probably leaked everything to the press. After he came here and I banned him, he had something to prove, didn’t he? Little bloody coward with his stupid fucking goatee.”
I lifted my head up. “What?”
Understanding dawned on Charlie and his jaw worked. “Pete came here. He was threatening me and stalking you. I don’t regret banning him. I did it for your safety.”
“And you didn’t tell me because?” I asked.
“I was going to and then you were drunk and we were talking. Not that I care that you were drunk. I just meant that I got sidetracked. I forgot to tell you. Fuck, I’m not explaining this well.” He crossed his arms tightly.
My defenses were shutting down. I grew tired. “No. You didn’t want to tell me. You were controlling the situation. From the very beginning. You never, not once, trusted me enough to put everything out there. You were scared.” I stepped toward him, all fight leaving me. “I understand that you have a disease, Charlie. I really do. It makes you scared and white-knuckle grip what little control you have in a situation. But you cannot do that to me. You can’t make me be the reason that you are here. It’s too much pressure.”
“Kate, I—”
I held up a hand. “I came to LA because you told me that my writing meant something to people. I thought the studio fought to get me here because I actually mattered. But it was a joke. It was me creating the ultimate fantasy and letting myself have it. I knew it.” I laughed through my tears. “It was too good from the beginning. A literary agent?” I scoffed. “After one little interview. I’m so naive. My mother was right.” I shuddered in a breath. “I let myself fall for this fairy tale. I let myself think life could really be like something from my stories. I don’t belong here.”
I started to walk away.
“Kate, please.” His broken voice stopped me.
“Please what, Charlie? I don’t want to fight with you.” I couldn’t look at him. My heart was breaking. For my friendship. For my hopes and dreams. It was like they were drying up and blowing away. “You are my best friend. My go-to person.” My voice cracked, and I shuddered in a breath.
He stumbled back, fists clenched at his sides.
“You hate this world,” I said. “You want to go home. That’s all you’ve wanted since you got here. You aren’t meant to be here, and neither am I. I have to go back to Minnesota and figure out what I’m doing now. I have things to sort out and you do too.”
He stood stock still. Pain contorted his face. I knew I’d hurt him, but he hurt me too. My anger began to melt away into sadness. We weren’t ending like this. I refused to lose what years of friendship had built up, but I had to make a new plan now. I still had Pete’s stuff in my house. I had a job waiting for me. An unpublished manuscript to …
