12
Present Day
Charlie
I clicked my mouse,refreshing my email unnecessarily. It was Kate’s birthday today, and when she woke, she’d finally open the parcel I’d shipped her. She checked her post office box earlier in the week, and when she got my gift, she begged me to let her open it. I hadn’t relented and enjoyed her pouty impatience.
I anxiously waited to hear if she’d enjoyed the present. It was the first time I felt comfortable sending her something, a new frontier for us, but now I questioned every choice. All the time and thought I’d put into my choices for her now seemed ridiculous and not nearly enough for what she deserved.
Kate had been there for me during my relapse. She’d sent me her book. She’d helped me research how to raise chickens. She’d been my person for so long and she didn’t even know. The amount of trust she had in me, and I couldn’t even tell her who I was. I had to fix this. I had to be better. Could I tell her?
If I explained that I never meant for things to get this serious … but then what if I implied it was serious on my end, and she freaked out? I never meant to fall for her through her writing, emails, and stories. Not that I was in love with her. I just had extremely strong feelings for her. And couldn’t stop thinking about her. And wanted to explore every inch of her body …
“Hello, Kate, so you know how I’ve been purposely vague and changed the subject every time you ask about me …”
I groaned at hearing the words out loud.
I never meant to lie to her. Well, I didn’t ever lie, but I did withhold a pretty large piece of information. That was on me. I get that. It didn’t matter what my intentions were, it was time.
I scratched at my neck, hesitating.
But why tell her, really? It didn’t matter. She had a boyfriend. We were just friends,bestfriends. Why mess with perfection? Maybe this was selfish to change things at this point. On her birthday. Maybe I only wanted to tell her in the hope that she’d … what? Leave her boyfriend for some guy online she’s never even met? Who knowingly withheld crucial information from her for the last two years?
My heart sank.
I stood and paced in front of my laptop.
When she found out the truth about me, everything would change. All the deep conversations and raw honesty … It would no longer be us. It would be her talking to the Charlie of her fantasies. And what did I even want by telling her?
Nothing. I wanted to keep our friendship the same. Everything needed to stay exactly the same.
The doorbell rang loudly, causing me to jump.
“Bullocks.”
At the front door, the security camera showed Emma. I sighed loudly. I’d expected her sooner or later.
I pressed the talk button. “Go away.”
“Let me in, Charlie.” Her voice was high and whiny, reminding me of the time I hid a frog in her makeup chair on set.
“You’re wasting your time,” I said.
“It’s cold and wet out here. I really have to use the loo, come on.”
I sighed when she shot her patented puppy dog look right into the camera. The heavy door clicked open, and I turned to walk away.
“You’re a real saint, you know that.” She zipped past me and toward the toilet.
“You chose to drive out here,” I called after her.
“Maybe if you didn’t live ninety minutes from the closest town,” she yelled through the shut door.
I went to the kitchen to wait for her, fingers itching for a drink with the inevitable conversation I was about to endure. Instead, I put on the kettle and grabbed two mugs.
Agata was off today, so at least the two of them wouldn’t gang up on me.
A few minutes later, Emma sighed as she sat at the large island, slapping down an over-sized tote that saidsave the planet. I gave the bag a pointed look.
