“You just couldn’t wait to tell your bestie all about it, could you?” He glared at me, that little bit of his goatee poking up as he chewed on his bottom lip.
“Pete,” I said, and my throat cracked with nerves.
I had actually been feeling bad for Pete. I’d been worried dragging him here was a mistake when I never felt sure of my feelings for him. But all that sympathy was long gone.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I said.
I didn’t realize until I said the words just how true they were. I could not carry on in this pseudo-relationship anymore.
“Do what exactly?” He stepped forward, and I moved around him, positioning myself closer to the door. I’d never seen Pete violent, but I’d also never thought he’d sink so low as to snoop either.
I had been studying my slipper socks but forced myself to look up and meet his gaze. “Us.” I smoothed my hair behind my ear. “I was having doubts before we came. I shouldn’t have brought you with me on this trip.” My breath shook as I sucked it in. “I want to break up.”
I was shocked at how sure I sounded even as I waited for Pete to snap into an even more sour version of himself. He would accuse me of being a flirt with all the men in my life and disrespecting him. He would somehow twist this all to be my fault.
He dropped to his knees in front of me and hugged my legs. “Kate. Please no.”
I had not expected that.
I lifted my arms in the air, unsure of what to do, and floored by his reaction. “Pete—”
“I know I’ve been a mess lately.” He rubbed his face into my thighs. “I just love you so much. I’m so scared to lose you. I see you with other men, and I just lose my mind. You’re the most wonderful woman I’ve ever known.”
Where was this fervor coming from? These feelings? I had always felt like I annoyed Pete and never quite met his expectations. He certainly never acted like a man obsessed.
“We aren’t compatible,” I said, the first of many truths.
“No. We are,” he answered, looking up at me. His stubble poked into my thigh. “You just keep so much of yourself closed off from me. It drives me crazy. You seem so free with fucking RC online but never with me. You’re always so distant from me. Cold.”
I couldn’t believe this. Had I kept myself closed off from him? I thought I had been the one trying to make this relationship work, trying to match his instant enthusiasm. It had been like trying to break in an expensive pair of high heels; I wanted them to fit so bad, to validate the commitment, but all they did was blister. They turned me into someone that I was never supposed to be.
“The closer I tried to get to you, the more you pushed me away,” he added.
I blinked in surprise. Is that what had been happening? Hadn’t I thought my reaction to his closeness abnormal? But every time he tried to progress our relationship, I felt smothered.
“You went through my computer. You can’t have a relationship that’s not built on trust,” I said even as the doubt crept in. I took a breath. I had made up my mind. “I don’t like how you acted tonight and how you treated me all day.”
There were so many things that felt off in our relationship. But they were hard to pin down, to define. Just feelings that didn’t seem right, but if I tried to explain, Pete would have an argument for those too.
Pete rocked back on his heels and grabbed my hands. “You’re right. You’re so right. I’ll be better, I swear. I never meant to be like this. I just love you so much. It makes me crazy.”
“I-I—” I just couldn’t say it. He deserved someone to say it back, didn’t he? But the only thing I felt when I looked at him was a curl of disgust. And maybe pity.
“It’s okay. You can say it when you’re ready. Look.” He ran a hand over his face. “I was going to wait until after the trip, but I can’t wait anymore.”
My body grew still with cold foreboding. “What are you—”
He fumbled in his pocket and pulled out a small box. “Kate. I love you. I love you so much, I can’t go another day not being married to you.”
“Pete.” My hands covered my mouth. I looked only in his eyes. I didn’t even want to see the ring.
“We can go to Vegas. Right now. Let’s throw caution to the wind and get out of here.”
“You want to go to Vegas?” I asked numbly.
“Yes. For you. I can mix it up.”
“I have to film tomorrow. I made a commitment.” I don’t know why I bothered to give him one last chance to show me he took anything I cared about seriously.
