“You want me, Frankie? You’ll keep me forever?” Collette asked.
My throat was so tight I thought I might get sick. The hope and love in Collette’s eyes almost broke me.
“Of course. I love you, Collette.”
Collette looked back at her mother. “I want to stay here with Frankie.” A shadow moved over Joey’s face. “I don’t want that other family.”
“Collette. You’re being stupid. This family has a mansion and toys. You’d get to sing and dance all the time and be on TV.”
Collette hesitated only a minute. A little crease formed before her light brows. “We don’t talk to each other like that in this house. We talk to each other with kindness.”
Joey growled and tossed out her hands. “You’re making a mistake.”
She shrugged. “All my stuff is here.”
“You’ll get new stuff. Better stuff.”
“And Frankie and George and Harrison?” she asked hopefully.
“Well. No.” Joey rolled her eyes.
“Nah. It’s okay. I want Harrison and Frankie. And George. This is my home. I like my school and my friends, and I don’t want to go.”
Joey opened her mouth, and I snapped, “Enough. That’s enough, Joey.”
I turned to Collette and smiled, opening my arms. “I want you too, kiddo.”
Collette ran to me. A surge of love poured through me. Even if I had to fight, I wouldn’t ever let her go.
“This is bullshit.” Joey stood up as Collette flinched.
I closed my eyes and held Collette as long as she would let me. Joey shook her head and stomped upstairs. I would deal with her in a minute. For now, I let my love flow into Collette, and I wouldn’t release her until she let go first.
“Well, now that that’s settled, we should probably get some cookies,” George said.
“Great idea,” I said and smiled at him over Collette’s head. He smiled back, but the crease was still furrowing his brow.
* * *
Joey hidin her guest room for the rest of the night. I kept waiting for her to stomp through the house and dramatically announce that she was leaving. I kept my ears pricked, and my body was tense with high alert. I wouldn’t let her leave without some paperwork saying she had to leave us alone now. I would tackle her to the ground and tie her up if I needed to. Collette made her choice.
There was no doubt in my mind that Collette was my daughter. I was an idiot to let it take me this long, but I was her person.
After bedtime, I paced the living room, watching the front door.
I’d spent so much time these past two years waiting for things to end, waiting for this holding pattern to be over so that I could get back to my real self.
I had been desperate to find myself, to recognize something in the person I was now. But there was no going back to who I used to be, and for the first time, I was completely okay with that.
I liked who I was now. I loved the life I had fallen into, and more than that, I was proud of the person it helped me become. I was proud of my capability to love and be loved even though I had never been shown how growing up. Harrison and Collette and George all loved so freely that it helped me be courageous. I would always be afraid, but I would lead with my heart. Maybe the girl I used to be was gone, and maybe this version of myself would be someday too, and that was okay. For once, I was excited about the present, not just wishing for something else.
I stopped my pacing and blinked. “Oh.”
It occurred to me this was the same issue that Adam Abbotts struggled with in our currently unfinished manuscript. He was so desperate to hold on to the past and what the plan had been that he was missing the life and family he had created. There was no need to find a new earth when his life with the people he loved was enough.
To be human is to endure. But it wasn’t. It was to live and love. It was to dance around the kitchen pretending to be pirates and laugh until you thought you might be crying. It was singing so loud your head hurt, holding tiny hands, kissing the person you loved, and watching the sunrise as you sipped coffee. And breathing. Just breathing.
I snatched my laptop and began to type and type, glancing up occasionally, listening to the quietly sleeping house.
