She sat back on her heels, surprise pinching her brows. “This?”
“Claire, you’re honestly going to sit there and pretend youdon’t have feelings for me? Are you afraid to admit it? Because I will. I’m falling for you. I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay here. Indefinitely.”
She stood off the couch in a blur. The sudden action caused Ripley to pop her head up and whine. “Of course, I have—of course, I’ve been having a good time. But sex complicates things. It inflates feelings that aren’t … well, it complicates things. I want to have all the facts before I decide anything. Just a few months ago, I was planning a whole different life.”
“Oh right. Heaven forbid you admit to feelings.” It was a low blow, and I was defensive. I regretted it the moment I said it.
“Maybe I just don’t fall for someone I’ve only known for seven weeks. Maybe it’s not so easy for me to pick up my entire life and move here. That’s not fair to make me feel like shit about this.”
“I’m offering a solution, but you’re being too proud to accept my help.”
“It’s not about pride,” she said slowly, her features going flat, thoughts inward.
I was being an asshat, as Pace would say. But I shared everything with her, every vulnerable nook and cranny of my soul, and she was ready to just pack up and leave.
“What’s all this been, Claire? You’re just going to leave like nothing? Like we haven’t been sleeping together and sharing our lives.”
“I-I don’t know.” She paced, hands to her temples. “I need a minute to breathe. I need to think.”
“Was all of this just a vacation for you?” I couldn’t understandit. I showed her everything, admitted everything, and she was ready to walk away like it was a hookup.
“No. I don’t know. It’s been this weird little pocket out of time.” She pressed her hands to her temple, eyes squeezed tight. “My life is in total upheaval.” Her shoulders shrugged to her ears and dropped. She spoke animatedly. “I have always known what to do next. I have followed exactly the right path, and all for nothing.”
“Nothing?” I stood now too. “That makes me feel great.”
“Not you, Levi. You’ve been amazing. Truly. This has been so great. I won the lottery, finding this place and finding you. But it’s notmylife. It’s yours that I’ve been borrowing.” Her arms wrapped tight around her middle.
“That’s not how it feels for me. I’ve known for some time how I feel about you.” I stood and crossed my arms, putting the couch between us, hating how bad this fucking hurt. “I’m never gonna force you to stay or to choose me. But I didn’t think it would be a choice.”
Something about my words made her pale. “I didn’t know I had to choose,” she spoke with a whispered gasp, hands curling around her stomach. “I can’t have this conversation. I can’t believe I’m back here. You had the rules and the boundaries, and I told you you needed to be clear about that. It’s not easy for me to just jump into a major life change after a few weeks.”
“It is for me. You’re easy to love,” I said, not saying the implied. What was left unsaid? Apparently, I wasn’t.
“Love? Levi. You’re throwing around the love word now?” Her arms wrapped tight around her middle, and she looked sick.
“I don’t understand how you’re not. I don’t talk about my mother with anyone. I don’t share that history of my family with anybody.”
Her shoulders fell, and her color drained. “I know. I appreciate that you did, but we are two very different people. I can’t just be in love. That’s—” She sucked in her lips, stopping whatever she’d been about to say.
My chest felt like it was caving in on itself. My head was shaking. “It’s just so obvious to me, and it’s heartbreaking that you hadn’t even considered it.”
But it answered everything I needed to know. It was what had made me hesitate this long to share my feelings.
“This isn’t fair. I wasn’t playing with a full deck. I didn’t have all the information. For you to just say all this and make me feel like I’m the one to blame,” she said, head tilted.
“You are, though!” I snapped at her, embarrassment making me rage. “It’s all your fault I fell in love with you. Do you think I wanted this? You think I even wanted to rent out the cabin? No. I only did it so Pace and the rest of this town would stop harping on me. This is your fault.”
“Myfault?”
“Yes. You completely disarmed me. You wormed your way into my head. I never wanted this. You know it. You just said it. So this was all some game. Make your way in and just leave.”
“Oh, because this was all part of my big master plan. Get dumped. Lose home. Lose job. Checklist of every woman hitting thirty.”
“Well, stop being so damn charming and beautiful and sexy and smart.” Her head shook with a sarcastic laugh as I went on. “Stop listening to me when I speak and being so interested in what I have to say. Stop stealing the thoughts from my head and giving them the voice they need. Stop being so authentic and tenacious and vibrant.”
“That was the weirdest compliment I ever got.” She huffed a laugh. “I-I think I just need a little space. I’m going back to my cabin. With all the sex and everything, I don’t think either of us are thinking clearly. Let’s just cool off, okay? I won’t make any decisions. But I need to process this. I didn’t know you felt so strongly about me. About a future after this.”
“Would that matter? If I said it the moment I started to feel them? Or would you tell me you had a plan that couldn’t change?”
