Break squealing sounds screamed through my head.
“What?” I asked, softly. Stunned.
This was not where I thought we were going, not with that look in his eyes. Not with that earlier kiss in the tram. I knew he was too good to be true.
It didn’t take long for my anger to burn away the embarrassment. It was a sinking sensation in my stomach, the utter humiliation of straight-up rejection.
“Bee,” he growled my name this time.
“Seriously?” I asked. Fuse lit, rage burning bright, I went off. “Am I in a different room right now? Don’t tell me that I’m imagining things with those looks you’re giving me.”
“That’s not what I’m saying.” He stepped back, hands up, and eyes looking anywhere else but my body on full display once again.
“What is it, huh? Seduce me to get me onto the tram? I knew nobody would be interested in me. I knew that you were just doing your job.” I paced in a circle, grabbing my sides with my arms wrapped tight around my middle. Humiliation churned through me as I let my temper flare. It felt safer.
“Whoa, wait.” He held up his hands. “Seduce you? I had to physically carry you?—”
“I know I’m weird, okay? I know that despite not fitting in anywhere, I’m still totally invisible to anybody. I was somehow shelteredtoomuch and left alone to my devices. I don’t act likea normal woman, but I thought—” I flailed my arm to gesture to the bed.
“You’re not weird?—”
“I knew that I was developing a crush, only to be disappointed.” I wasn’t familiar with this feeling ripping through my chest. It hurt. It was like all the years of my life had caught up and it was all too much.
“Bee, why are you so angry? I’m being a gentleman,” he said, teeth grinding.
“Why?” I asked. “Why don’t you—shouldn’t you want to—” My eyes were welling with hot tears when I glanced to the bed again.
He stepped closer. “My job is to bring you down the mountain to Benny Jr. What sort of person would I be if I-I crossed any lines?”
“Like when we kissed on the tram?”
“That was—” He scrubbed at his short hair. “I didn’t mean to send mixed signals.”
I huffed. “Too late. And I already told you that I’m not going to Benny Jr. That isn’t happening. I’m going back up there, and you and your stupid Greek god body can’t do anything to stop me. I’m going to that mountain, I’m completing my plan. And this town will not forget who I am, even if you do.”
I stared to the side, I couldn’t look at him. A single tear rolled down my cheek, and I hated that I looked pitiful when I was really angry.
“It’s not like that,” he said.
“I’m ignoring you.” I went to the bed and sat with a harrumph, arms crossed. Feeling unbelievably childish but having no idea how to handle more rejection. This hurt far worse than the town’s had.
I felt the bed shift as he sat down next to me, but I refused to look at him. I refused to be pitied. That panicked ache in mychest worsened like it was filling with a big wet paper towel that made a full breath impossible.
I thought Owen might have been a person who would want to be around me. I thought that I had found somebody who saw me when they looked at me …
I shook my head; nails dug into my palms.
“Bee, please look at me. Let yourself hear what I’m saying.”
But I didn’t want to listen. It felt like it would cost something to turn and meet his eyes, and I’d already lost so much. I’d already played the foolish, naive woman all night. The price was too high to meet his gaze now, it would hurt too bad.
“Really look at me.” He lifted my quivering chin, until our eyes were lined up, or at least I thought. I squeezed my eyes tighter, my heart racing. Why did this feel so scary? “Open your eyes.” He chuckled with endearing frustration.
I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to look at him; I wanted another moment of falling into his gaze, even if this was going to end and it was futile. Even if it hurt, even if the cost was the fragments of whatever remaining pride I never seemed to be good at collecting.
I wanted to look at him. I wanted to see and be seen, and I couldn’t help myself.
I opened my eyes and met his gaze. He smiled softly, and I felt the final shred of dignity burn under his hot gaze.
