I searched for Pace, desperate to seek him out, but I couldn’t find him. He was gone with Kaylee.
I stumbled backward, needing to hide, distantly aware of Levi and Claire calling me. But rational thought was gone. Nothing sank in. I was both numb and vividly aware of everymoment. Why had the night moved so quickly, only to slow to a glacial pace now? My body moved as though pushing through molasses. My senses were delayed. My icy hands shook so much I could barely put my phone back in my clutch. I had to leave.
I searched for the exit and moved.
I stumbled when a couple of people blocked my retreat. I tried to step around them, but my motor functions weren’t my own. I couldn’t make any simple decisions when my brain was like this. I stood frozen. Forced to hear their conversation.
“Now it makes sense,” Vicky Lambert said.
“Be nice,” another woman whispered in response, half-laughing.
“I did wonder why he would spend any time with her. But of course, he was doing his civic duty to help the pathetic and needy,” Vicky said and then cackled.
Did they really not see me? Or was this cruelty I couldn’t comprehend?
A sharp intake of breath came out of me, causing them to turn around. Glasses of champagne in their hands, their eyebrows raised in surprise and maybe a hint of shame, before masks of indifference slid back into place.
“Sophie,” Vicky said, as though she were happy to see me and hadn’t been just talking shit. Her gaze moved up and down me. “You look ... unrecognizable.”
I wanted to say all the things to her. I wanted to scream, cry, and yell at her for being so awful. But nothing came out.
I lifted the hem of my dress and walked away with as much dignity as I could. Not that there was any left. I would not break until I was home safe. I would not.
My absolute worst fear had come true. Every pitying wince I pretended not to see as I walked away told me what I already knew.
I should have never written that stupid list. I hadn’t changed at all. Nothing had.
I was doomed to be forever broken and alone.
29
Pace
This was all wrong.
My gaze sought out Sophie even as I led Kaylee away from the dance floor. I didn’t want to talk to this reminder of my past. I wanted to be with Sophie on this incredible night.
Frayed nerves made my actions rough as I moved through the crowd and away from the woman who needed me.
I had always thought Sophie was beautiful. From the moment I found her wearing those weird eye contraptions in the craft store, but tonight, I saw what had just been made apparent to everyone else. That Sophie Kincaid was incredible. This transformation she’d undergone was not only physical, but also the way she moved, with her shoulders back and her chin lifted; her confidence glowed around her like a protective aura. I would love to take credit for it, but it was all her. She’d always been the brave one.
She felt like she belonged here, and I couldn’t be prouder.
Or more in love.
And yet everything was starting to go wrong.
And I was terrified. For weeks now, the growing knot in my chest tightened instead of loosened around her. I’d gone from only ever feeling comfortable in her presence to overthinking every possible scenario. I imagined telling her my feelings only to hear that she wasn’t interested in anything after tonight. That I’d be left all alone. And then my mouth would snap shut, and I’d make a joke.
I needed to talk to her about my feelings for her and put it all out there.
But there was dread in my stomach and a strong voice telling me it was too soon. That she never planned to or wanted to be with me. I was only ever a means to an end. After all, I was the guy that people needed for help with the small things, not the real things. Ultimately, I wasn’t enough for her.
I’d tried to be my happy, carefree self as I twirled Sophie around the floor and made her smile. This was the last item on the list, and it needed to be perfect for her. But then Kaylee appeared, and all the fears and worries I had with Sophie exploded to the surface. Kaylee was the manifestation of everything I had done wrong in my past.
I was shaken up and scared. What could she possibly need to say to me after all these years? Kaylee’s sudden arrival was a warning sign not to screw up with Sophie. I glanced back to find Sophie, but I couldn’t see her in the crowd. I rubbed at my chest, anxious to get back to her.
“Pace? Did you hear me?” Kaylee asked, drawing my attention back to where we stood at the edge of the dance floor. She seemed a little put out by my distraction.
