“I’m going to go talk to Sophie,” Claire said, leaving Levi and me behind.
The four of us had hung out a few times in these last couple weeks too. We had to, otherwise my friends probably wouldn’t see me, lost in Sophie as I was. But it worked out since they wanted to get to know her more. As much as I loved that they got to see the protective side of Sophie the night of the warehouse fire, it was important to me that they saw the other sides of her too, how incredible she was.
“It’s going well?—”
“I’m in love with her,” I said instantly. “Pretty sure,” I added, scared and excited, pressure building in my chest.
Levi opened his mouth and closed it. Did he remember that he’d said those exact words to me a little over a year ago about Claire? I had been grateful it was him and not me. He’d seemed so wrecked and lost. Some might call that karma.
“I’m not sure though. I thought I was in love with Kaylee. I thought I knew what love felt like, but I was a different person then. I didn’t expect love to feel like this,” I barreled on before he could respond. “I want to be around Sophie all the time. I want to make every single one of her problems go away. I want her to feel safe with me. These all-consuming thoughts of her, I didn’t know that love could feel like the instant bond of friendship but—” I shook my head, looking for the words. “Lit on fire,” I said. Levi nodded, looking down at the drink in his hand.
“Like someone who knows you instantly but who you also can’t stop touching,” he said.
“Or thinking about touching,” I added.
We both looked over to the women we loved—God,loved—and redirected the train of thought. They must have felt it because they both looked up at us. Claire laughed with a little eye roll, but whatever Sophie saw on my face made her bite her lip with a blush.
Levi chuckled and took a sip of his bubbly water. “Yeah. Sounds about right.”
“Was that how it was with Claire?” I asked him.
“Pretty much from the second I ran into her. Or she ran into me. Actually, it was like she pulled me into her orbit, and maybe I thought that I didn’t want it at first, but I didn’t fight from falling that hard. My love for her came easy. The other stuff was harder.”
This was the side of things I didn’t want to talk about.
“The stuff with your mom?” I asked softly, knowing that he struggled to let Claire in all the way with the loss of his mother so fresh.
“Yep.” He shifted on his feet. “I had to work out some things before I could really be what she needed.”
I didn’t look at my best friend. I didn’t like how his words hit me square in the chest.
I’d thought about that first night with Sophie a hundred times. How she’d been lying in my arms, waiting to hear reassurance of a future between us, but something had held me back. Even now, knowing how strong my feelings for her were, I couldn’t understand my hesitation.
Why did I still hold back?
“Does she know how you feel?” Levi asked.
“Not explicitly. We haven’t declared anything official.”
“Why not? What are you waiting for?”
I rubbed at my chest, and I saw him noticing the action, but he didn’t say anything.
“After the Winter Ball. I think. When the list is completely done, and she knows I want her and not the to-do list,” I said, deciding at that moment. The list was the catalyst that brought us together, but it didn’t make us what we were. I wanted that to be off the table completely before we decided to move forward as a couple.
“Why wait to talk? I’ve found it’s better to be honest as early as possible.”
“Sophie and I are nothing but honest,” I said defensively, even as I thought about her lying in my arms while the words were stuck in my mouth, unable to come out.
“Is this about Kaylee?”
My focus shot back to him. “Kaylee?”
“Because she’s in town.”
“No.” I shook my head. “No,” I repeated. “I forgot you even told me she was back until just now.”
And it was true. The last time I’d even thought about her was the night that Sophie and I finally crossed every line. I had been dreading the fact that if we went to the Winter Ball, people would probably ask if I had talked to Kaylee yet. Much like Levi just had. Everybody assumed, despite over a decade of us not knowing each other, that Kaylee and I were in contact.
