Taking a deep breath, Toni sat upright on his lap. He was still naked beneath her. From the feel of it, the used condom was still hanging from his flaccid dick. They’d really made a mess of Sophia’s car, and Toni was already working a stop to the car wash into her schedule tomorrow to make it up to her friend.
Ranger’s eyes were closed with his head lolled against the backrest. If it wasn’t for his hand moving up and down her back, she might have assumed him to be asleep. Then he blinked, eyes shifting to her in the dark without moving his head.
There were so many questions to be asked, so many things to be said. Toni had no idea what was the best or proper place to start, but figured any conversation was better than no conversation. “I didn’t know you were in recovery.”
Ranger lifted an eyebrow. “Wasn’t like we’ve actually taken the time to stop and talk between bouts of sex.”
Fair point. Toni lowered one hand to his chest over his shirt, and again, he did not stop her. “Which, unfortunately, leads me to the most clichéd, girly question I swore to myself I was never going to ask, but is that all this is? Is this just sex to you?”
His eyes never wavered as he stared directly at her. “No.”
Toni cocked her head to the right slightly. She liked that he didn’t say pretty words or lines of “I would hope by now you would know it’s not”, which would put the responsibility back on her. Instead, his answer was a single word, but one that held so much meaning.
“Me, too,” she confided. “A part of this seems like a dream, but so much of what has happened in the past day has been far, far too real. I trusted you last night, and I am going to trust you now. But we need to be honest with each other, Ranger.”
She felt his hand wrap around her hip, fingers flexing. “Liam,” he reminded her, and fuck, she wished it wasn’t so dark in the car so she could see his expression more clearly. There was something there, something hidden in the night’s shadows.
“Liam,” she repeated. “I think I just assumed you wanted me to call you by your name during sex.”
He shook his head, but did not embellish.
Toni turned away from him, looking out the fogged window to the community center. She’d been here so many times, both for open meetings with her parents and for Al-Anon meetings on her own, yet she was struggling to remember the last time she’d been here. Months? Maybe a year?
Sophia’s car and his motorcycle appeared to be the only vehicles in the parking lot now, which in a way was good. But if anyone walked by the car, the tinted windows wouldn’t have protected their sounds from being overheard.
His hand came up to her messy hair. “What are you thinking about?”
“I’m trying to remember the last time I was here. I used to come all the time, but…” She shook her head. “Now I don’t know.” Turning away from the building, she looked down at him. “My parents are addicts.”
“Both?” he questioned.
Toni nodded sadly. “It started when I was very young, and they even sold some from our apartment, but then we moved back to Mount Grove. My grandparents took custody of me, and my parents worked on getting themselves clean. It was good for a while, but just before they reached four years sober, my grandpa died suddenly. And when one falls…” Her voice trailed off. “I saw them on and off for years after that, but my grandma hid a lot from me. She wanted me to concentrate on my studies rather than parenting my parents. I graduated high school, then college, then got into law school. While I was in law school, my parents came back to us. They were clean, and this time, they worked to stay that way. Even after Grandma died, they stayed clean.” Toni sniffled. “Eight years, Liam. They hadeight yearsclean…” Tears streamed down her cheeks, and Toni squeezed her eyes shut against the sting. “I don’t understand it. I don’t know when they relapsed. All I know is when my dad broke into my house last night, he had a bag of meth on him.”
She felt his hands on her cheeks, gently brushing away her tears. “Ghost knew?”
Toni shook her head, but then nodded when she thought about it further. “Scar found more drugs in my parents’ apartment. Based on what was there, they’d been using again for a bit. I didn’t know about that until today when I went back. I only knew about the baggie my dad had on him last night, which I flushed when you brought me upstairs to my bedroom.”
“I’m sorry.”
A snort came out of her. “What are you sorry for? My parents’ sobriety was on them, not you or me.”
Ranger still wiped his thumbs over her cheeks even though her anger had stopped her tears. “I’m sorry you’re in pain. I’m sorrytheycaused you this pain. And I’m sorry that I’m about to cause you more.”
Toni stiffened, shifting further back on his lap. It took her less than a second to realize what it was he was saying.Stupid, she cursed herself. She tried to keep her face blank as she nodded. “Yes, of course. I understand.”
“Based on your expression, I can guarantee you don’t,” he stated boldly.
“You’re in recovery, Ranger,” she argued. She tried to scoot even further back on his lap, but his hands were now on her hips, holding her in place. “You don’t need the daughter of addicts fucking that up for you. I get it, believe me. Obviously, I didn’t help them stay sober, so there’s absolutely no evidence that I could do the same for you. It’s fine,” she said harshly. Embarrassment heated her cheeks and her words. She dropped her hands to his wrists, trying to move his hands off her hips, but his grip was like iron. “Really,” she pressed, needing out of this car. She tried to twist, and even contemplated climbing over the car seat to get away from him. “I’ll just go.”
“I don’t get it.”
Toni frowned, confused. “Get what? I’m leaving. If you,” she tried his wrists again but to no avail, “if you would just let go of me.”
“I have no intention of letting go of you, now or ever. I get that we havea lotto discuss between us, but we’re never going to get anywhere if you keep either, A, running away, or B, drawing conclusions as if you know me well enough yet to even guess what I am thinking. From what Steel said, you are a top-notch attorney, able to read people and have a great heart. You fought for him when evidence said you shouldn’t because you believed in him. Same with Lucky. And yet, you have no faith or belief in yourself. Why will you fight for others, but you won’t fight for yourself? And need I remind youagainto call me ‘Liam’?”
* * *
Ranger lovedhow smooth her skin was, like silk. Static ran between them with each touch of his fingertips.
