He lowered his head, nibbling on her ear. “And I know how to make it even better.”
“Um, I’ve already peed in the woods for you. I amnothaving sex in the woods.” She’d already survived a splinter in herfinger. She did not need one in her ass, or anywhere else more delicate, too.
Ranger laughed. “Good to know. But I meant s’mores.”
Excited, Toni rounded on him with wide eyes. “You packed s’mores?”
“Told you I was going to grab the essentials.”
Toni smiled. “I will never doubt you again.”
* * *
143-150 Days Sober
Other than tracing the money to the Irish mob in Pittsburgh, the club could not find Pike’s supplier. Even from the residentsin Mount Grove who wanted to get clean and were willing to help the club, they had limited information. The only person they’d ever seen or spoken to was Pike, but a few mentioned him texting someone when a customer wanted a larger order or to try something new. No one knew who, though, and based on the data Keys and Rose pulled from Pike’s phone, his partner or supplier used burner phones with rotating SIM cards, all purchased with cash. They got a variety of cell tower data, but it was too scattered between Mount Grove, Morgantown, Johnstown, and Cottonville to confirm a location or a base.
Cross’ advice was reasonable and logical, but not overall helpful. Basically, if they didn’t want to get sober, they weren’tgoingto get sober, and forcing them would only make them fight the system harder. While Cross was still active as Ranger’s sponsor, he had stepped back over the past two weeks to help another sponsee who was struggling after losing his mother. Cross gave all his sponsees numbers to other local sponsors who were willing to help out in case Cross was unavailable when one of his sponsees needed him. Ranger still saw him at meetings and checked in with him daily, but it wasn’t the same as it had been during his first month following rehab. But Ranger understood and respected Cross’ dedication. He’d given the same level of attention to Ranger once, too.
Since it was proving harder to get some of the townspeople on Pike’s client list to want to seek sobriety, Colby the Arrogant Fucker came down to Mount Grove to help out. In all honesty, it was good to see him. But Ranger did end up punching his friend in the balls when the man flirted with Toni.
While Scar didnotmurder Rockland, he was the first to agree to go to Alexandria and was already enrolled as a patient by the time Colby arrived in Mount Grove. He might have also been missing a fingernail or two.
Ranger was working with the club to help encourage residents to join him at AA or NA until it was discovered that Pike was supplying heroin. For all his progress, Ranger had not expected such a visceral reaction to seeing that baggie of off-white powder. It had stopped him in his tracks, and he was ashamed to admit that he didn’t know if he would have taken it as he so badly wanted to if Colby hadn’t been there to talk him down and get him out of that house.
The days that followed were not good ones, and it only proved that for all his progress, it did not take much to remember how easy falling could be. Even knowing the disappointment he would cause his family and Toni had not been enough to make him walk away when the antidote to the hollowness in his soul was so close. In many ways, it felt like he was starting back at Day One all over again.
* * *
155 Days Sober
Of the fifteen chairs set up in a circle, only eight were filled. It was a low participation night, but that wasn’t too surprising with the high school football home game playing that night, too. Toni recognized all but one gentleman, who looked like he’d just come from a funeral in his all black suit and jacket and morose expression.
Susie had asked her out to drinks that night, but Toni had declined. It wasn’t just that she’d already had this meeting on her schedule while Ranger attended AA at the church across the street either. Toni needed to attend. After three weeks withno sign of her mom, and the bad couple of days Ranger just experienced, she needed this meeting.
“I yelled at my boyfriend’s best friend today,” Toni told her group. “I’ve talked about my parents before and being raised by addicts, but recently I started seeing someone. I didn’t know he was an addict when we first met. He didn’t lie, but it’s also not something easily told to a stranger, you know? We’ve been doing really well. Set up a structured schedule, he’s at AA right now while I’m here, and I really, really care about him. He triesso hard. Sometimes too hard,” she added. “I think he feels like, if he does relapse, it’s the end of us. I’m not saying it is and I’m not saying it isn’t,” she clarified, “but it’s not so black and white. There’s a lot of circumstances. A mistake I can forgive, but lying or hiding the truth from me would be a completely different story. But honestly, I don’t think it’ll come to that. He’s doing really well, and he’s very dedicated to the program. He’ll have his six month coin in time for Christmas,” she declared brightly.
But then her mood turned sour as she recalled the conversation she’d had with Ghost a few hours ago. “I found out that he’s been trying to encourage others to get sober. Don’t get me wrong,” she justified, “I amnotagainst him helping others out in any way, shape, or form. But I learned that a few days ago, he unknowingly walked into a house with heroin openly on the table. I knew he’d been struggling, knew that he’d been having a few bad days, but I hadn’t known the cause until this morning.” Toni closed her eyes, trying to rein in her anger. “I can’t be angry at him. He didn’t use, and while he struggled, hedidwalk away from the drugs. But damn it all to hell, I have to be mad atsomeone. I know he felt really good when he was helping others in the community, but not at the cost of his own sobriety. Ican’tforgive that, but how can I not when he was trying to do good? How can I be angry with him for being selfless? Especially when he already feels shame and guilt for being tempted?”
Opening her eyes, Toni let out a long sigh of frustration that made her lips flutter. “So I took it out on his best friend for allowing him to evengoto that house. It wasn’t his best friend’s fault. Hell, the man wasn’t even there! Which I ended up yelling at him for, too,” she reluctantly admitted. “And you know what pissed me off even more? He just stood there and took it! Like he didn’t even argue with any of my points, even though it wasn’t his fault either. Ugh, why are men so frustratingly annoying?” Toni sat back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest. “So that’s how my day’s been. Thank you for letting me share.”
* * *
Toni felt ridiculouslyfoolish for her share after the man in the black suit admitted he’d just come from his grandson’s funeral out of town. The fifteen year old had overdosed on fentanyl-laced Xanax. While she knew better than to compare hers and Ranger’s situation to his, just as she couldn’t compare Ranger’s addiction to her parents’, her own frustrations seemed embarrassingly small. Her anger at discovering Ranger had been so close to a relapse was a luxury. Ranger was alive, whereas this man’s grandson, be it the first time he’d bought a prescription drug off the street or the one hundredth, was no longer.
It brought home how thin the line between struggle and tragedy really was. A line her parents had crossed time and time again…until there was no coming back from it.
The mood in the room was drastically different following his share. The next woman who spoke was the mid-aged wife of an alcoholic, and despite being almost fifteen years sober, worried her husband resented her for the ultimatum she’d given him when she made him choose between the alcohol and their marriage. She now feared he believed he’d chosen wrong.
The somber reflections continued as a pair of adult sisters talked of their other sister’s recent relapse after a near-death experience. She’d walked away from a severe car accident practically unscathed, and the very next day drank almost three bottles of wine after twenty-two years.
The last share for the night was from Jody, the chairperson for tonight’s meeting. She was in her late thirties with a warm personality, and despite always bringing cookies, couldn’t cook for shit. Thankfully, Toni was rarely hungry during these meetings.
“As many of you know, my mom’s been sober for many years. She sponsors a number of people in the program and has been an advocate for AA across the country. And yesterday, I dropped her off at rehab.”
Toni was not the only one who gasped. Barbara, Jody’s mom, didn’t live in the area, but just as she advocated for AA, Jody did for Al-Anon. Toni often saw reflections of herself in Jody, both of them having grown up under an addict parent. Never in a million years would she have thought Barbara would relapse, not with how strong her convictions in the program were.
But it was just another cruel example of how devastating of a disease addiction was.
