Tonight, I had no desire to stay late and work as much as possible. I had done my best to put in a full day’s worth of work, but when Maksim entered the room several minutes ago to ask me questions about the investigation into this Gregori name, my spirits sank even more.
Maksim was here.
But Adrik was not.
I hadn’t been told where Adrik had gone, just that he was out of the office. But I did know that his brother and cousin had accompanied him. Maksim and Alexei had gone with him.
And if his brother was back home, it likely meant that Adrik was around too. Andstill, even after the news that somebody had tried to break into the house I was staying at, he didn’t want to see me.
Comforting me wasn’t part of the plan.
Showing up wasn’t something he wanted to make time for.
Because when I spoke with Maksim and Nikolai and they called me out about being upset, all I could do was give them a half-hearted and weak laugh.
“I don’t matter.”
I wasn’t only saying it out loud as a reason for why they shouldn’t invest too much time into this matter. Not on my account, at least.
I wanted to state it as an understanding between me and Adrik.
Because he was here.
Probably lurking in the hallway.
There was no scientific way to explain how I knew he was near. But I sensed him. More accurately, I smelled his cologne. It was distinctive, unlike any others. I realized that I just had a connection with him, one that could clue me into where he was because I wanted him near. Because I wished I could have his approval and his desire.
I wanted him to hear that I understood the mistakes of what we’d done. Acknowledging that should’ve felt like freedom, but it only saddened me more.
I wanted to matter. With him. To him. I wanted to believe so badly that this chemistry that pulled us together, this desire that drew me to him, was not just a bodily reaction. That it wasn’t only physical. I wanted him to make me matter to him.
Nikolai walked me home that night, not even a half hour after I had expressed my insignificance.
Once I was alone in the house, feeling like an unsecured target, my thoughts and doubts became too loud in my mind.
I had no appetite.
I had nothing to preoccupy myself with.
For the lack of anything better to do, I ran a bath and tried to soak in the hot water. To let my negativity seep out of me through osmosis, as if that were possible.
It felt good. But I wasn’t relaxed when I got out. Wondering if I would be able to sleep tonight with so much heaviness in my heart and so many stressors on my mind, I got dressed and headed downstairs for a drink of water before trying to go to bed.
Loud bangs came from the front door as I passed it.
I jumped, startled by the demanding noises.
Someone was banging their fist on the door.
Again and again.
This was no gentle knock like asking permission to come in. This was a stubborn order for me to unlock and open the door.
Yet, I stood there and stared at it like I was in a trance.
This wasn’t someone breaking in. They wouldn’t knock or ask.
Narrowing my eyes, I puzzled over the mystery of why anyone would knock anyway.
