He’s not serious. He cannot be serious.
I look at my parents, who beam nothing butapprovalat me.
He’s so deadly serious.
I ask, “And you…didn’t think to tell me about this untilnow?”
Kyran, despondent, scoops a bite of cake and ice cream up onto his spoon. “I, too, have no idea when it was decided that I am a communication king. I communicate when it suits me, to whatever end serves my means best…or is funniest.”
Yes. Well. I…knew that. I have watched countless hours of this man on replay doing whatever suits him to whatever end is funniest. I have eaten it up. I have lived for it.
He even did tell me in his list of faults that his commitment to a bit is legendary. And Iknowthat to be true.
Genuinely, nothing will surprise me anymore.
I just… I don’t know how to feel. On one hand, he has loved me for months and committed himself to me in vital ways, setting everything in motion without question or hesitation. On the other…
Well.
What did I say about strengths and weaknesses and how they should balance out in a marriage? I guess it’s a good thing my husband is good at being honest with my parents. ’Cause I know I’m not.
“So, April?” I drawl.
“April,” Kyran confirms.
“Do I need to start thinking about wedding dresses?”
“Maelin’s taking care of it.”
Of course she is.
This is…great.
Really great.
My parents approve, overwhelmingly. Dad gets his wedding. Everything’s…great.
So it’s really a wonder that I find myself glancing between my bowl—black—and Kyran’s—ice blue—as weight settles in my chest…and refuses to lessen.
Chapter 24
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It wouldn’t be a romance without a little third-act breakdown, right?
Kyran
“Did I mess up?” I ask the very second both Morana and I have finished getting ready for bed and closed the door to her childhood bedroom behind us. Stuffed animals of all kinds take up every inch of floor space, blankets collecting them in bunches all around the full-size mattress we’re about to share.
Eyes glued to her phone, Morana echoes a distant, “Mess up?”
“I didn’t know how to springI talk to your parents all the timeon you, so I figured I’d just let you find out organically since you wanted to see them anyway.” I catch her arm, stopping her from sitting down. “I’m worried now that I made the wrong choice and I’ve hurt you.”
Pocketing her phone, she meets my eyes and deflates, before dipping her chin. “You…haven’t hurt me. I hurt myself.”
“Can we talk about what you’re feeling right now? I don’t like seeing you pull away like this.” I lift her face, close inches between us. “I can’t handle the idea of distance from you.”
Her watering eyes close, then she dissolves against me, wrapping her arms around my chest. “I haven’treallytalked to my parents for months. Maybe years. I don’t know. It’s always the same sort of thing when either of us calls to check in. Life’s fine. Job’s good. Maelin’s happy… I’m…whatever. Per usual.” Her body tightens. “I love my family. They’ve always been there for me. I don’t worry that they’ll abandon me, but apparently Istill…” She crushes me, tight. “Apparently I still distance myself from everyone, even them. My own parents don’t know my favorite color. It shocked me when Maelin recently told me I liked pretty things. I couldn’t believe she knew that about me, and she’s mytwin sister. I’m so scared of being seen for what I am that I don’t let anyone in. Before you, I felt more in control of that separation from everything. Before you, I didn’t realize how much of an outsider I’d let myself become.” A shaking breath rocks her. “I didn’t like finding out about your relationship with my parents like this, but I can’t stop thinking that I’ve created no opportunities for them to tell me themselves. I haven’t talked to themoncethis entire time, Kyran. And you’re right. On your end, there’s no normal way to bring it up, especially since it started before I was entertaining any ideas with you. It would have been unbelievably weird tooh by the wayand mention that you talk to my parentsall the time. Especially when I…don’t.” Her fists close into my night shirt. “I wish I weren’t likethis. I wish I were brighter. I wish I weren’t so harsh. Why can’t I just trust people? Why do I have to build walls up so high and then get so—” She swears. “—hurt when the people I care about don’t crash through them for me? I’m asking for x-ray vision. It’s—” She swears again. “—psychotic. I want to be seen through metal and cement, yet when I am? When my own sister notices something about me, I’mshockedby it?Ugh.” She downs air, sobbing. “I hate myself, Kyran. I…” Her voice breaks. “Ihatemyself. I don’t even know why you bother loving me. Why you bother going to all these great lengths for me. Why youcareso much. Do you not see me? Do you not see how horrible I am? And then…if you don’t…” She pulls back, tear-streaked face quivering in pain. “…what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to go on if you don’t actually loveme?”
