I didn’t even have the strength to pretend to be the strong Christian people knew me as. Nor did I have it in me to be uplifting and optimistic. The emptiness was too great, too powerful. I had nothing in me to draw from and give to anyone else.
Walking into the waiting room, I was hit by another wall. A wall of loving and concerned friends who surrounded me, each telling me they were praying, asking how I was, what they could do. As much as I appreciated them, their words all sounded like they were underwater. The same water threatening to steal the very breath from my lungs.
That’s when I saw her in my periphery.
Renata.
Just her name made my breathing slow. She was wringing her hands as she stood watching on the outside of my friend circle, fear causing her beautiful face to contract with pain. I loved my friends, especially my best guy, Niko, who held me so tight I thought he might be trying to keep my pieces together.
All of them had become so precious to me. But the woman standing several feet away from me, unsure of what to do, brought out a vulnerability in me that made me take my first real breath in hours.
When I held my arms open, not sure what I was even asking of her, she ran into them and wrapped herself around me, cocooning me from the painful outside world. My face pushed into the crook of her neck, and I could breathe again.
Deep breaths, Mike. Deep breaths. It’s going to be okay now.
Her gardenia scent filled my lungs, as her wild curls tickled my face, and suddenly the floodgates opened. Heart-wrenching sobs broke from me like a dam that had been straining to hold back the floodwater but couldn’t anymore. And I didn’t want tostop them. If I’d kept in this pain any longer, I truly believed I might be the next person to be admitted to this awful place.
Then her sweet, angelic voice began to pray for me, and a verse from Isaiah came to mind. A verse that Grammy said helped her after Grandpa left this world.
“Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.”
In that moment, I knew God had brought Ren all the way from Italy to be with me. Nothing could convince me otherwise. And when she asked me what she could do, pleaded with me to tell her how she could help, the words came from somewhere deep in my soul. Unstoppable. Real. True. Right.
Marry me.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Renata
All around us,there was a chorus of gasps and murmured words.
“What did he just say?”
“Oh. My. Word.”
“I think he needs some rest. He’s delirious. Got to be.”
“Iknewit.”
If I weren’t about to pass out from shock, it would’ve been almost comical. Yet all their voices and whispers of concern and confusion blended into the background. It was swallowed up by the sound of a TV playing somewhere in the distance and other people crying over their own family members.
“Mike?” That was the extent of what I could say. He had pulled back from our powerful embrace and was still holding my hands, the only thing grounding me, keeping me upright.
“I, I know it’s crazy.” He pushed his shoulder up to catch the tears that were still making a path down his worn face.
I huffed and shook my head. “Just a little,” I whispered, looking as intently into his eyes as I could, trying to understand.He smelled like salt air and sun-warmed cedar, and I wondered if he had been working on a piece in his workshop before getting the call.
He licked his lips, his voice low and unsteady. “I promised her. While sitting there with her. Promised that I would give her the only thing she’s ever asked of me. If,” his voice broke at the word and I held his hands tighter, “If she makes it through this, I want to give her this request. I have to. I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t.”
I shook my head and said, “Mike, marriage isn’t the same as giving her something tangible. This is your life.My life. We don’t know each other very well. How could this possibly work?” My breathing had sped up, and I could feel the tension from my shoulders to my jaw.
His gaze pierced into my soul, making his next words target a place deep inside me.
“You say that as if there’s anyone else I’d ask this of. You’re the only one, Ren. The only one I would want by my side. I know you feel this. Iknowyou do. Maybe not love yet, but there’s something here. A beginning, a start to something special between us. There’s a friendship building that feels significant, easy, right, instant. A bond that’s been so unexpected, it’s taken my breath away.”
I bit my bottom lip, attempting to find the words, but he continued, his words flustering me and calming me at the same time.
“You have to know. On my end, truthfully, there’s more than just friendship. I haven’t been shy about showing you my attraction, my admiration. Tell me if I’m crazy.”
