He wasn’t denying anything now, but telling her everything. About them, about his secrets, and all of it could be the death of him. Still, he did it.
He was keeping her safe. It was what he did with those he cared for. Loved. Hugh loved her. She knew the calibre of man he must be. He was proving it now. And then she had her certainty.
Who else in Hugh’s life would he want to keep safe?
‘It was all for Robert, wasn’t it?’
He stilled; his heart hammered. ‘What was for Robert?’
‘You have no family to protect. And you respect the King. I can hear it in your voice when you talk about him. This Half-Thistle Seal and the messages it marks has something to do with Robert.’
‘Robert’s dead. I told you that.’
Her brows furrowed then, and there was a moment of hesitation. He wanted her to keep that doubt.
‘Then it’s for his family.’
‘Robert’s mother and father are also dead.’
‘Did he have a wife?’
‘Alice, stop asking questions.’
‘You had to know I would ask.’
‘No, I expected you to—
‘Run screaming and report you to the magistrate?’ She shook her head. ‘I might, because you’re still hiding something from me.’
‘I’m a traitor—what more do you want to know? Why I did this? A traitor is without honour, Alice. Reasons and excuses have no place. They don’t matter.’
‘They do. Reasons always matter.’
‘Actions do—and mine are full of lies and deceit.’
‘If you are a liar and a thief and full of deceit, you would have continued to be. After the storms were over, after this winter, you would have left Swaffham and never returned. And yet you say you have told me because you didn’t want me in a compromising position? What kind of declaration is that? You told me because you have feelings for me. Youloveme.’
He did, and his heart burst with it. He wanted to shout with joy at the happiness it brought him. Instead he fought it. But with Alice in front of him demanding answers, demandinghim, he knew it was a losing battle. Though he could no longer deny it to himself, telling her would gain nothing. There was only one resolution to this, and declaring love for her was not it.
‘And if I do, what does it matter? The facts remain the same. I’m still a traitor.’
‘As I said, reasons matter. You’re telling me this because you’re trying to save me. You’re trying to save me like you did that day at the well. You beat those boys to get to me. There were three of them.Three. They could have killed you. Thrown you down the well and snapped your neck. You did it anyway, because the reason behind it was your feelings for me.’
‘They were tormenters and they deserved it.’
‘They deserved it long before then. I saw them taunting you about your father and you never lashed out at them. You only did it that day to save me. And now you’re trying to save me again.’
‘That’s—’
‘I’m not listening any more about why you told me. The issue is why you began sharing the King’s secrets in the first place. You would only go to such extremes to save someone, and I have to know who.’
She couldn’t guess. She had to not guess or he’d break his vow. It was the only remnant of honour left in him.
‘Don’t, Alice.’
‘Don’t say any more or don’t guess?’ she said. ‘Is it a woman? Are you...have you married and not told me? Is that what all this has been about?’
The very idea—after what he felt for her? ‘God.No.’
