Maybe something came up urgently and he had to deal with it. I nod. That must be what it is.
“Time to talk, Little Pet,” Daddy says as he lifts me and the blanket out of the kennel.
I scream and thrash around, but Daddy is quick to hold me tightly against him so I don’t fall.
“You’re okay,” he whispers. “Daddy is sorry that he scared you. I thought you heard me walk into the room. I didn’t mean to make you jump so much.”
He sits down and places me on his lap before gently pulling the blanket off my head. He smiles at me and cups my cheeks with his hands.
“So pretty,” he mumbles. “You are so beautiful.”
My cheeks flush, and I look down at my lap, not wanting to see his gaze. Daddy has a way with words, and it always affects me. He can make the most innocent thing sound like something that turns me on and makes me embarrassed.
And whenever that happens, I think about all the times he’s brought me pleasure. How he has made me come over and over with just his tongue and fingers. It makes me want to beg him to give me more pleasure, demand that he does, and keep me by his side… never getting rid of me.
“Now, Daddy wants to hear all about why you have been crying for the past day. What is going on?” he asks. “Talk to me, so I can make it better. It breaks my heart that you are crying so much. I don’t want you to be sad.”
I open and close my mouth before I place my hand over my mouth. I can’t tell him. I promised myself yesterday that I wouldn’t tell him and I was about to.
“Come on, Little Pet,” he gently says. “Talk to me. I’m really worried about you.”
“I don’t want to,” I whisper.
“But you need to. It’s not good to hold everything in. I need you to talk about it so we can stop you from crying about everything,” he tries to reason with me. “I know it might be hard, but I need you to tell me. I’m here for you. I will always listen to you and not judge. But you need to be willing to talk about it so that we can get through it.”
And I want to do that so badly. I thought about it during the night when I woke up from a dream and this morning as he fed me. I want to tell him everything, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.
“Come on, Little Pet. Talk to me. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. I just need you to pay attention to me and tell me what is going on.” he lifts my head up so we make eye contact. “I can’t do anything if I don’t know what’s going on.”
I sniffle and blink several times, stopping myself from being so upset. Now is not the time to start again. If he knows I am going to cry from his words, he might figure it out.
“I can try to guess, but it will be so much easier and faster if you just tell me so that everything can move on,” he gently says. “We will get through things together now. You will never be alone again.”
And that’s what I’m worried about. That he is going to be so attached doing all these things for me. When he gets bored, he will stop and send me back to the space station.
“Just be mean to me,” I whisper and close my eyes. “Just be mean to me and pretend you don’t care about anything that I do.”
“Nora, look at me,” he calmly says.
I shake my head. There is no way I can look at him after saying that. He just gave a speech, where he told me he wants to take care of me, and I replied that he should be mean to me.
Who does that?
Apparently, me, but everything I said is the truth. He should be cruel to me so I don’t get used to his kindness. Especially when something happens later on, down the road.
“Why do you want me to be mean to you?” he asks. “Look at me in the eyes and tell me why.”
“I can’t.” My voice breaks.
“Nora, look at me. Now,” he commands.
I find myself opening my eyes and looking at him. He doesn’t look happy, and I pull my head back.
“Tell me why I should be mean to you. Why do you think that?” he asks.
I open and close my mouth several times, weighing whether I should actually tell him or not. It would make everything so much easier if I told him so that he could get on with it and start being mean to me. I’ve already prepared my heart and mind for it.
I can’t risk that.
