I can’t.
I continue to suckle, letting the tears freely fall down my cheeks. I’ll allow myself to cry right now, but once tomorrow comes, there is no more showing him emotion.
“Everything is going to be okay,” Daddy whispers as he wipes away the tears from my cheeks.
SIX
Everything isnotokay.
I told myself that I was going to allow myself to cry yesterday, but today I wouldn’t… That didn’t happen. Daddy let me sleep the whole night. When I woke up this morning, he took me out of the kennel and fed me a bottle through the nipple.
Just that act alone made me start crying once again, which made Daddy worried. But I didn’t say anything. How could I when it is a silly reason? There is no reason for me to be acting this way. There is no reason for me to miss having him feed me by our lips touching. I shouldn’t want it, and yet I am finding myself missing it. I want him to start doing it again.
Daddy has been taking care of me, making sure whenever I pee that he changes my diaper, feeding me when I’m hungry, telling me I’m a good girl, but every single time he does something, I end up crying from his words or actions. Always reminding me that he could take it away at any point since he stopped feeding me the tender way he started.
I shouldn’t get attached to anything he does, but my heart does. My heart wants me to get used to everything that he is doing, but I know that he is going to stop doing it all at somepoint. I don’t want to get too attached and be disappointed again.
“Daddy is going to place you back in your kennel while he makes a phone call. I won’t be long,” he says.
He gently places me on the blanket in the kennel and walks away. Tears immediately pool in my eyes, and I quickly wave my hand in front of me to try to stop myself. I need to stop crying, or else he is going to get tired of me and send me back to the space station.
But I should be happy that he wants to give me back to the space station. That was my original plan. I should be sticking to it. But with each passing second with Daddy, my heart has grown attached to him, and I shouldn’t want that. It’s the opposite of everything I wanted.
But I can’t help it.
There is something that he has done to me that has made me this way and I need to figure it out. If I figure it out then I need to find a way to stop it from developing more before he sends me back to the space station. There is no way that I can go back in this state.
How would I be able to function if I was crying all the time? I wouldn’t be able to. I would surely die if I went right now.
“Little Pet, why are you so upset?” Daddy asks.
I shake my head and turn away from him, grabbing the blanket and pulling it over my head. I thought he wouldn’t notice. Does he always have an eye on me?
Yes… yes, he does.
Apparently, he sees everything that I do, no matter how hard I try to hide it. Even during the night, he somehow knows if I have cried or not, even if I don’t make any noise.
How?
“Can you tell Daddy why you are crying? I want to help make it all better for you,” he says.
“Be mean to me,” I blurt out before I can stop myself.
I clamp my free hand over my mouth and shut my eyes tightly. There is no way I just said that without even looking at him. What has gotten into me? Why, all of the sudden, am I answering his questions when he isn’t touching me or we aren’t making eye contact.
This won’t do. It’s getting worse with each passing second, and I can’t seem to stop it.
“What did you say?” he asks. “I think I misheard you.”
I stay silent, letting out a shaky breath, waiting to see what he is going to do next.
He sighs. “I’m going to make this phone call real quick. Then you and I are going to have a conversation. There is no way out of it, so prepare yourself.”
I’m going to have to find a way to avoid this. There is no way that we can have this conversation.
I should start thinking about another sad thing to get him off my case. Something he will believe. But what can I say?
I start chewing my fingernails as I try to think while I wait for him to finish the phone conversation. What is he talking about? Does it have something to do with me, or is it his work? When he first got me, Daddy told me he didn’t have to do any work at all in the first week. He hasn’t done any work over the last couple of days.
