"She is," Ruby agrees easily. "She knows everything. Well, almost everything. She doesn't know how to fix the garbage disposal, but that's okay because our neighbor Mr. Henderson does."
"Mr. Henderson is very patient," I add, feeling the need to contribute something to this conversation. "Especially since our garbage disposal seems to break every other month."
"Old house?" Cade asks.
"Old house," I confirm. "But it's ours. Well, we rent, but we've been there for four years. Ruby's room has this window seat that looks out over the garden, and she's turned it into a reading nook."
"With fairy lights!" Ruby adds. "Mom helped me hang them. They're solar powered, so they charge during the day and glow at night."
"That sounds really nice," Cade says, and I can see him trying to picture it. Trying to imagine the life we've built without him. "I'd like to see it sometime. If… If that's okay."
He's looking at me again, asking permission, and I realize this is going to be our new normal. Negotiating. Asking. Figuring out how to co-parent a child we've never parented together.
"Of course," I say, even though the thought of Cade in my space, seeing how we live, terrifies me. "You're welcome anytime."
"Really?" Ruby's eyes go wide. "You could come for taco Tuesday! And meet all my stuffed animals! I have forty-three of them. Well, forty-four if you count the one that's missing an ear, but Mom says we should probably donate that one because I don't play with it anymore."
"Forty-three stuffed animals." Cade's eyebrows rise. "That's... quite a collection."
"I know. Grandma and Grandpa keep buying me more even though Mom says our house is turning into a zoo." Ruby pauses, chocolate on her chin now. "Oh! Do you want to meet Grandma and Grandpa? They're Mom's parents. They're really nice. Grandpa tells terrible jokes and Grandma makes cookies every Sunday."
Cade goes still, his mug halfway to his mouth. Meeting my parents. That's a big step, a declaration that this is real, that he's going to be part of Ruby's life in a meaningful way.
"I—" He looks at me, and I can see the uncertainty there. "Would they want to meet me? After everything?"
"They've been asking about you for seven years," I admit. "They think you deserve to know Ruby. They always have. This was my decision, not theirs."
"Then yeah. I'd like to meet them. If they'll have me."
"They will." I'm certain of this. My parents loved Cade when we were together, were devastated when he left. They'll welcome him back, for Ruby's sake if nothing else.
Ruby is vibrating with excitement now, talking a mile a minute about all the people Cade needs to meet: her grandparents, her best friend Mia from school, her soccer coach, the librarian who always saves the new animal books for her.
I watch Cade take it all in, his expression shifting from overwhelmed to something softer. He's leaning forward now, engaged, asking follow-up questions, genuinely interested in every detail of Ruby's life.
This is what I robbed him of. Seven years of this. Seven years of watching her grow, of being part of her world, of her being part of his.
The guilt is overwhelming, pressing down on my chest until I can barely breathe.
"I need to—" I stand abruptly, grabbing my purse. "Restroom. I'll be right back."
I don't wait for a response, just flee toward the back where a discreet sign points to the bathrooms. I lock myself in a stall and press my hands against my face, trying to hold back the tears that are threatening to spill over.
What am I doing? What have I done?
Ruby's happy. She's so happy, sitting there with her father, learning about him, sharing her world with him. And Cade, despite his shock, despite his anger, is trying. Really trying.
But I've seen the way he looks at me when Ruby isn't watching. The hurt. The betrayal. The questions he's not asking because our daughter is present.
I took this from him. I made the choice alone, decided what was best for everyone without giving him a say, and now I have to live with that decision every time I see that look in his eyes.
Someone knocks on the stall door, and I nearly jump out of my skin.
"Occupied," I call out, my voice shaky.
"Sierra? It's me."
Cade. Of course it's Cade.
