“Oh, yeah, Drew and I were chatting about what we’d do if we retired, and we came up with some kind of foundation.”
“When are you starting it?”
“No idea, we don’t know anything about it. But soon, maybe.”
Just like Emerson’s response had been, it was so nonchalant and casual, and it briefly dawned on me that instead of worrying about why he hadn’t told me, I should probably be more concerned with how needy and emotional I’d become recently. Although this helter-skelter I’d set myself on didn’t appear to be ending any time soon.
“You didn’t tell me.”
“Sorry, Mol, I forgot, but you kind of distracted me when you got home. And my brain cells literally melt when you’re in front of me in nothing but lingerie. It’s just some ideas we were throwing around.”
“Do you wish we could see each other more?”
“What sort of question is that? Of course I do. Why are you even asking me this?”
I sat up, my arms resting on my knees, needing to think better so I could speak without crying.
“Molly?”
“I don’t feel I’m supporting you, like you support me.”
His voice softened. “Molly, you fixed me. In more ways than one. You are supporting me.”
I sniffed, stopping my nose from running again.
“Molly, your job is important, you save lives and give people hope. And we might not always be together every day, but the time we do spend together we make the most of, and it doesn’t make me feel like you’re not supporting me. We’ve alwayssupported each other, and we see each other a lot more than we used to.”
I knew he was right even as his words sunk in, but the churning in my stomach held strong.
“Have you always felt like this?”
I mindlessly rubbed away a coffee stain on the table, left from when the girls were here. “What d’you mean?”
“Since before we got together, have you always felt like this?”
I let out a deep sigh. “No, but it’s different now. We should be seeing each other more.”
“There’s no ‘should’. It’s what works for us. We both have jobs that take hours from us. I’ve told you, it’s quality not quantity, making the most of the time we do get. And it won’t always be like this.”
Only it will. It will.
“But what if it is? What’s it going to be like when you go back to hockey full time and I still have my hours here?”
“Mol, we’ll figure it out when we get to it, but we’ll do it together. We just have to promise each other that we talk everything through. Promise me we’ll do it together?”
I nodded, even though he couldn’t see. “I promise.”
“Good.” I could hear shouting in the background. “I have to go, but don’t forget I love love you.”
The vortex of anxiety eased up with the giggle that escaped. It still hadn’t got old hearing him say it, and I didn’t think it ever would. “I love you.”
And I knew what was about to come, because this had become our silly game.
He tutted. “And the rest please, Marks.”
“I love love you.”
“That’s better.” He laughed. “I’ll text you later, before we get on the plane.”
