I nodded. “Yes, sir, thank you.”
“See you in the OR soon then.”
He nodded and walked out, leaving me with the distinct feeling I was about to have a heart attack, or stroke, or total mental breakdown. Least I was in the right place for it.
I fell back onto my chair.
I reached for the drawer and opened it, staring down at the piles of paperwork I’d shoved in there. But the lead coffin wasn’t buried deep enough because I could still feel the radioactivity bouncing off it. I dug to the bottom of the pile, my fingers slipping underneath until they found what they were looking for.
I set it down in front of me, reading it again. Not that I needed to, I’d memorized it.
Dear Doctor Marks,
You have been selected for the Columbia Presbyterian Sports Medicine Fellowship. The Fellowship will sit under the supervision of Doctor Leo Evans.
Your interview assessment will take place on Tuesday February 23 where your final subject matter will be decided and approved.
Your Fellowship will commence on Wednesday, September 1, 2021 and end on Wednesday, August 31, 2022.
To confirm the time of your assessment, please sign and return the bottom of this letter.
Sincerely,
Clerical Office, Columbia Presbyterian Hospital
Dept. of Sports Medicine
The Chief was right. It was an incredible opportunity. A rare opportunity. One I should be apoplectic with excitement about. But every time I thought about it, Ifreaked out with the weight of its consequences until I felt sick to my core.
Every time with Felix was better than the time before, and I was still getting the hang of things, of trying to figure it out, finding a routine within the chaos of our lives. But even with trying so hard, I’d barely found the balance. I was barely coping with managing. Managing my time, my guilt, my pressure.
And this would throw it all away.
There was a reason why doctors married other doctors - they never had the opportunity to leave the hospital and meet someone else.
The Fellowship would require a hundred hours a week of dedicated time, split between lab work, studying, and surgery. One hundred hours a week for a year, not to mention the increase in my hours to prepare for it, and I’d only just dropped them down. I wanted everything… and I couldn’t have it. I’d spent ten days trying to figure out a way and couldn’t. Something was going to have to give.
I picked up the card that had come with the flowers. I wanted all the Valentine’s. What I didn’t want was spending an entire year barely seeing the man I was hopelessly in love with, and I didn’t want to put him through that either. But if I turned down this opportunity, I was certain I wouldn’t get it again.
I had two choices…
Take the Fellowship and pray the best relationship of my life didn’t end up in the graveyard with the others, or turn the Fellowship down and be happy with what I had already accomplished. I hadn’t yet plucked up the courage to tell Felix because I hadn’t yet decided what I was going to do. Because I knew when I did eventually tell him, he’d make me take it.
But I didn’t know if I was strong enough to survive it.
To survive the pressure.
To survive what would happen if we didn’t survive.
The tears started to spill again, just as the door flew open. I reached across my desk for a tissue.
“Did I just see the Chief coming out of here? What did he want?” Hunter took in the room, his lip curling up in disgust. Felix’s display of love was clearly too much for some, but the perfect amount for me. He looked down at me. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
I blew my nose. “I’m fine.”
His eyes dropped to the desk. I slammed my hand down to stop him snatching up my letter, but he was too quick. His eyes widened as he read.
“Fuck, Molly, this is amazing. Congratulations.”
