Maybe if I was quiet enough, the voices would vanish.
Maybe if I was quiet enough, I would vanish.
Then the pain would stop.
I would hit the bottom of the black hole I seemed to be tumbling down.
If I hit the bottom, perhaps the sensation would come back to my limbs; the emptiness I felt deep in my marrow would refill; the numbness would disappear; my body wouldn’t feel like it was being ripped in half.
I would no longer be shrouded in the darkness I’d lived in for seven whole days.
The never-ending tears would stop falling.
My last thought as exhaustion took me; death must be easier than this.
Chapter 80
Present Day
“But my birthday isn’t for two weeks…”
I kissed her nose on my way to the kitchen. “I know, but we’ll be traveling, and I don’t have another free day until after it. And then it’s the All Star Game, and we’ll be back in L.A.”
She popped her hip, her elbow crooked. “Are you at least going to tell me where we’re going?”
“The Polo Bar.”
That got her attention. She pushed her glasses up onto her head. “How did you know?”
Pulling her toward me, I rested my arms on her shoulders. “I asked Lowe and Beulah if there’s anywhere you’d been talking about. I wish I’d known sooner; I can always get a table there. I did seven years of campaigns for Ralph Lauren.”
There was that look again. It always took me a second to remember that she knew nothing of my life between when we were kids and up to a few months ago. Years and years of my face being plastered on billboards; stuck between the pages of magazines; spread over the sports pages; not to mention the award ceremonies, exclusive interviews and televisionappearances, along with dozens of social media accounts dedicated to me – she’d missed it all.
Marnie had taken herself to the only place where it was possible to escape me, or as close as…
Space.
“Alright, big head. I just… I’m still getting used to that side of your life. You know, the one who can buy telescopes that cost the same as a car, and old farmhouses…” She paused and pursed her lips. “But… also… I never realized how full-on the season was going to be. Days off should be spent relaxing, and I like spending them in with you, eating popcorn, watching movies. I like us hanging out and getting to know each other again.”
I brushed my fingers through the ends of her ponytail. “I love those nights too, but today is special, it’s your fake birthday,” I smirked. “Plus, you’re my girlfriend, and I want to show you off.”
I swear I felt her tense under my arm, but she kissed me too quickly for it to register properly. It wasn’t the first time it had happened either.
“Thank you, I’m a lucky girl.”
“You’re welcome. You’ve got an hour, but then we need to leave to meet Drew and Emerson.” I flicked on the television to catch the start of the Braves game. They were playing the Giants, who we had next week. “Go get your ass in the shower.”
“An hour? How long do you think it’s going to take me to get ready?” she tutted.
I chuckled. Not one woman I’d ever met had complained I’d given them too much time, and most of that was spent applying a shovel-full of makeup that took nearly as long to remove. With Marnie, however, she could have five minutes and still look perfect, but I’d allowed for some extras just in case.
“Hey, I know what it’s like if you stand between a woman and time. I’ve made that mistake before.”
Marnie was halfway to the bedroom, but turned and stared at me with narrowed eyes.
“Emerson! I meant Emerson.”
“Hmmm.”
