I sit down on the coffee table, facing Christian. He does seem different. Softer. More well rounded. Whatever happened while he was gone, was good for him.
“I am very glad you are back, even more so that you are feeling better.”
Christian’s eyes dart away. There’s a long moment of silence as Christian tries to find the right words. “I don’t want to keep running,” he says, pushing the words out despite the fact that I can tell they’re hard to admit.
“Then stay.”
“It can’t be that easy,” Christian says with a snort, shaking his head. “You can’t just tell me to stay and everything will work out.”
“Maybe it will not be easy but stay anyway. Stay with me, with Maribel. We can make this work somehow.”
“I’ve changed but I can’t promise to be perfect. I’m going to say shit still. I’m going to be prickly. I’m going to be that same asshole.” Christian meets my eyes. “I’m gonna wanna run sometimes.”
My heart leaps into my throat. “Okay,” I say, reaching out and placing my hand against his knee. “Run if you need to, but promise you will come back. Take the time you need, be an ass, put up your walls. But promise that when you’re done, you’ll come back.”
“I can do that,” he says after a moment of contemplation. I don’t think my heart has ever soared the way it is right now, hearing him say that. “I can come back, if that’s what you really want.”
“It is,” I say right away, squeezing his knee. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you, Christian. I lie awake at night aching for you, for your touch. My heart has decided long ago that you are my one true partner, and I have not given up hope that someday, you would see me in the same light.”
Christian’s mouth drops open as he stares at me with wide eyes. Out of everything, apparently this is what he was mostunprepared to hear. I’m about to speak again, to tell him not to worry himself with my feelings, but he speaks before me.
“Oh,” he says, the word stretching into silence. I keep myself from squirming but only just barely. “I wasn’t expecting that. Shit, okay. Wow. Really? Me? Are yousure? Because you’reyouand I’m just this asshole human. It doesn’t really make sense if you think about it longer than three seconds. Jesus, Ghenie. You can do so much better than me.”
That is not at all how I thought he would react.
“You are the one I want.”
“For now,” Christian says, shaking his head. “Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll pass.”
“It hasn’t,” I tell him seriously. “It won’t.”
Christian doesn’t say anything for a long moment. He stares down at Maribel, caressing her cheek.
“Will you be diving into the underbelly of the city to win my hand in marriage?” It’s a jab that stings. At the same time, I am thrilled to have his barbs back. Part of the reason I fell so thoroughly for him is the way he pushes back. He pushes and prods and pokes. He makes me rethink things in a new light. He’s prickly and grumpy and gray. I love him for that even if he sees it as a fault.
“No,” I tell him truthfully. “I know you would not approve of that. You won’t wish for me to win your heart in a grand display. You crave for me to win it through small, everyday moments between just the two of us, such as the human standard. I respect that.”
“What will your people think? Their leader is above the trials he presents to the rest?”
I shake my head. “You’re not the only one who has changed while you were gone.”
“Really? I thought the whole living vessel thing meant you were stuck in your ways.”
I smile, remembering all the discussions we had about this very topic. Watching Christian get so fired up about things, watching his passion was another thing that made me fall for him. Iwasstuck in my ways, but I won’t let the Ancestors have too much of a say in my life any longer. I’m more than just a vessel, I’m also a person and I deserve a life just as much as anyone else.
Just thinking that leaves them erupting with opinions. They are so loud, so constant. Sometimes there is such a lull that I can ignore them and other times, like right now, they’re overwhelming.
I cover my eyes with my hands, breathing through the moment until they finally settle once more. Then I look into Christian’s eyes.
“They’re dead.”
Christian’s facade cracks and he starts to laugh in surprise. “Jesus, you really have changed.”
“I have. They are dead and I’m alive. It is time that things change. Some traditions will stay, but others we will leave behind. The people deserve to love without trial, don’t you think?”
He nods his head, his features going soft again. “You know I agree.”
“Christian, would you like to stay for dinner?”
