“In here,” I call back, setting everything down and quickly washing my hands. When I turn around, Ghenie is standing in the doorway. “Hi.”
“Hello,” he says in greeting. He smells the air and smiles. “Smells good in here.”
“It’s nothing,” I say, waving him off. “Where’s my girl?”
“Oh. Umm, about that,” Ghenie says, picking at his fingers. He looks nervous and my stomach turns to stone inside of me. What’s going on? What’s wrong? “She’s with my parents.”
“Okay,” I say slowly. “For how long?”
“Not too long. Just a few hours. She still only eats from my chest so I can’t be away from her too long,” he says quickly. “I just thought…” Ghenie’s words trail off and he looks past me at the wall, biting his bottom lip.
“You just thought?”
“Would you like to go for a walk with me?”
“You want to go for a walk? Right now? With me?”
“Yes. Just a little walk. I thought maybe we could find a nice spot to sit and talk.”
My stomach explodes with nerves. Is this the part where he finally tells me this isn’t working out? Has he grown tired of my presence here? Is he going to tell me he’d rather parent Maribel on his own?
Fuck.
“Christian,” Ghenie says softly, pulling my eyes up to his. “Breathe. It’s just a talk, nothing bad. I promise.”
I can’t find my words so instead, I nod my head. I turn around and turn off the oven. I take the food out of the oven and carefully put everything away so it will still be good when we get back home.
“Okay,” I say, turning back to him. “Let’s go for this walk that’s definitely just a talk and nothing bad.”
Ghenie cracks a smile. “You have always been so suspicious of me,” he says, shaking his head. “I really should not find that charming.”
“You really shouldn’t,” I say in agreement. “It says something about you that you find me charming at all. Your standards are too low, Ghenie.”
“They’re exactly where I need them to be.” He reaches over and takes my hand in his own. Tingles run up and down my arm at the simple touch and my stomach flips, but this time it’s not from nerves, it’s from excitement. “Come. I have the perfect place in mind.”
I’m powerless to do anything but follow, doing my best to hold on to hope that this is the time to talk things out instead of break things off. I want anything and everything that Ghenie is willing to offer, now I just need to convince him to offer it.
I know where we’re going before we get there. The sun is starting to set, leaving the sky brilliant tones of orange and red which reflect off the water. It’s magical and dare I admit;romantic. Normally, I would find that gross but for Ghenie, I keep my lips sealed. He deserves romance and affection and feeling gross over. He deserves vulnerability even if it makes my skin crawl a little bit.
“I hope this is okay,” he says softly, kicking off his shoes and walking into the sand. The sand is warm against my bare feet. “I thought there would be no better place to have this conversation.”
“This is more than okay.”
Somehow, we’re in the same place where I first admitted to myself that I had feelings for Ghenie. We sit in the sand, looking out across the water as the sun slowly sets. It’s beautiful. I turn and look at Ghenie.Heis beautiful.
“Christian,” Ghenie starts but I reach over, placing my hand on his thigh.
“Can I start? Please?”
Ghenie nods his head, touching the back of my hand. A shiver runs through me. The gentle gesture makes that knot in my chest loosen ever so slightly.
“I’m all sorts of messed up,” I say finally, getting the words to start flowing. “My parents left a lot when I was little. It took me a long time to realize neglect is abuse and it took me even longer to admit to myself that I was abused. I don’t let people in because the people who’re supposed to be there for me always left. Always. It didn’t matter if I begged or cried or held on to their pant leg. No matter what, they’d push me off and leave for their next score. I jumped from home to home, stayed with my grandmother for a while but that only lasted so long before she died.”
My free hand digs into the sand, letting the grains fall through my fingers. I don’t look at Ghenie, can’t. If I look at him, the words might stop and then all of this will have been for nothing.
“I learned to rely on no one but myself. I stopped smiling, stopped caring. I closed myself off because then I knew I couldn’t get hurt. And then I met Miles.” I shake my head as a small smile lifts the sides of my lips. “That bastard wouldn’t let me shut him out. He started to form cracks in my perfectly built wall. That wall was hit with a fucking wrecking ball when I met you. It was terrifying, the way I wanted to let you in but I just couldn’t. So I ran as fast as I could, as far as I could. It was safer to run because it wasmeleaving instead of being the one left behind again.”
My eyes are suspiciously watery and my chest feels like it’s been cracked open for Ghenie to see. I hate it. I hate this. I suck in a shaky breath, trying to keep my composure.
