What a stupid moron was I, huh? She knew it when she had approached me during the contract signing that day. When she casually said that we can be civil regardless of the past relationship situation. She knew it then. Probably thought that my relationship with Levi was just driven by that clause. I can’t even blame her. I’m thinking that too now.
Why else would he share something so crucial about us with his ex-girlfriend?
“I’m sorry.” He sounds panicked again, but it doesn’t reach me. “I’m so sorry, Cece. I shouldn’t have. I don’t know why I did. I regretted it immediately.”
I manage a shrug. My lips numb with defeat. “At least… she didn’t exploit it. And found that detail for you. That’s a silver lining, I guess.”
“Please, Cece.” His voice is frayed. “Baby, I’m sorry. I…please.”
I nod. “So, you’ll get rid of it?”
He lifts my face by my chin, his expression earnest. “Yes. And then we marry without that stupid clause hanging over our heads.”
My whole body screamsno, and a confusing heat spreads. Even hope, but I shut it down quickly.
“But.” I lock my gaze on him. “Iris is back. You can—”
He shakes his head jerkily and suddenly I’m in his lap, his grip on my waist tight. I stay frozen in theblanket of his panic.
“Yes, she is back. But that was another ploy by my parents to break us up. You’ve gotta—”
“You still have feelings for her, Levi. So now you can—”
“No. No, I donothave feelings for her. I’m upset that my parents did that, yes. But…” He shifts me enough to watch my face. “What the fuck? Please don’t think that.”
“You… you didn’t deny it when I asked you a few days ago.”
“I did! I…” Realization dawns on him—recalling how he didn’t really say the words. “Okay, that was my stupidity. Idon’thave feelings for her. I only have feelings for you. I love you, Cece.”
He believes it. I can see it.
But I can’t stop thinking about how he never shared his doubts with me. How I knew nothing about Iris and his weeks of speculation. How he didn’t tell me that she was his ex. How he stopped sayingI love you. How he shared the clause with her.
I know he explained himself, but he still chose to leave things out. After promising that we were partners. And that he would.
Efforts reveal priority, and priority reveals intention. I wasn’t given either effort or priority. So his intention is pretty clear, isn’t it?
‘I wanted to find love…myself.’
Which he didn’t. This clause led him to me. And now its removal can lead him to someone he truly wants.
This clause is the reason we started and without it—he’ll be free. Without it, he wouldn’t have even considered me. I know this type of clause would takea long time to untangle from the presidency. So he probably still needs me to maintain the presidency.
I’m the safe option. Maybe even an inconvenient one—given that he only recently learned about my diagnosis.
“I don’t think you love me, Levi,” I whisper. “I think you just want to be loved by me. You’re chasing steadiness, simplicity. Convenience. Not… me.”
FIFTEEN
Levi
The kitchen island seems awfully hard under my elbows. The porcelain digging into my bones as I shift my weight again.
My eyes never stray away from the coffee packet I’m holding.
I was fully prepared for Monday. Hoping the familiarity of the week would somehow dull the ache Cece left behind yesterday. And then I found it.
The moment I opened the cabinet, I remembered. How Cece had stocked something there the day she returned from her Toronto trip. It wasthis.
