“Remi…”
She shakes her head. “I mean it.”
I swallow the burn down my throat. “I don't know what to say.”
For the first time since I arrived, something cracks across her face. She steps forward and holds me by the shoulders.
“Neither do I… But I’m still here.” Her voice wavers as she looks me in the eye. “And so are you.”
I think about stepping forward and letting her pull me into a hug, but instead I briefly kiss her cheek, then turn. Because if I stay another minute, I'm going to fall apart.
My hand tightens around the door handle as I turn back to look at her.
“I love you.”
The words come out cracked, and Remi’s mouth trembles as she closes her eyes briefly.
“Yeah.” She swallows. “Love you, too.”
Love.
It somehow feels worse than being hated, and the word follows me all the way back to the car.
I sit back behind the wheel for a long time before I start the engine. And when I do, more of Remi’s words follow me all the way down the street as I drive away from her house.
Don’t let me lose you, too.
I’m still here. And so are you.
I think about Evan asleep in bed with one arm stretched across to my side of the mattress. About the way he reaches for me even when he's unconscious. About Elle arguing with her shoes this morning, and the way she slips her hand into mine without thinking.
About all the people in this town who keep choosing me. Keep loving me.
Before I can overthink it, I pull out my phone at a stop light and start typing.
Me:Needed some time away. I’m okay.
My thumb hovers over the screen, trying to sum up all my feelings for this life we’ve built. But how do I sum up the joy of penguin pancakes and bedtime stories? Or Evan pulling me into his arms in the kitchen before he's even properly awake?
I swallow, then type out another text.
Me: I love you.
The words blur slightly on the screen as they stare back at me, and I hesitate. Not because they aren't true—because they are. I know it, he knows it. I’ve just never said them.
Saying them out loud makes all of this real, and makes this something I could lose. That terrible, beautiful feeling.
I stare at the message for another second.
You’re brave too, Penny.
Then I hit send.
Chapter twenty-nine
Think this belongs to you
Evan
