Although both of those still rested on the assumption he’d remember to take those with him too.
“I’m coming, hold on,” I muttered as I hauled myself out of bed and trudged into the corridor to pick up the phone hung on the wall. “Hello?”
“Darcy—don’t hang up—will you let me in, please?” Owen’s voice made adrenaline flood my veins like I’d just experienced the worst jump scare imaginable.
“Why?” I asked, my breath catching in my throat as my chest tightened.
“I need to talk to you. Please.”
“What if I don’t want to talk to you?”
“Then I’ll leave,” he said and he sounded so wretched it made my heart clench. “But I’d really like to talk to you, if you’ll let me. You don’t have to forgive me, you don’t even have to say anything, but please let me say something. Then, if you want, I’ll leave and never come back. You won’t have to see me again.”
I didn’t want that. Not really. But I didn’t know how to tell him. The words wouldn’t come.
“Fine,” I said quietly, pushing the button on the wall to let him in. Then I hung up before he could say anything else. I didn’t know what he wanted to talk to me about, but I doubted it would change anything.
Or maybe it would.
My feelings for him were still there, sitting painfully under my ribs, and one night hadn’t altered them. But I meant what I’d said to Alfie and Milo, I wanted someone who’d choose me.
I didn’t want drama or to fight for attention. I wanted peace and stability and someone to share all the small things with. Where the love wasn’t conditional but a calm sanctuary away from the stresses of the world.
Some people might say that was boring, but I didn’t think so.
It sounded perfect to me.
Glancing down at myself, I realised I was still in an old T-shirt and yesterday’s boxers, but I didn’t know if I had the energy to put anything else on. Fuck it, if I stayed like this then I wouldn’t have to get changed again when I crawled back into bed.
My keys were still where I’d left them last night, so I grabbed them and slowly unlocked the door, not really sure what I was expecting to see on the other side.
I’d vaguely assumed Owen would be dressed. Maybe looking as tortured as I felt.
What I hadn’t been expecting was to see him still in his wetsuit with his dry robe thrown over the top, a pair of flip flopson his sandy feet, and his wet hair still plastered to his scalp. He didn’t look like he’d slept much, and his chest was heaving like he’d been running.
As soon as he saw me, he dropped to his knees, the bag that had been thrown over his shoulder sliding onto the floor.
I stared at him, unsure how to react. Shock must have registered on my face though because it was the only emotion I felt.
“I’m so sorry, Darcy,” Owen said in a rough voice I’d never heard before. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“You’re fine… I just didn’t expect you to be wet.”
“I came from the beach.”
“I guessed.” I paused for a second, then added. “Do you want a towel?”
He shook his head. “No, not at the moment. I… I have to apologise first. I’m so sorry, angel. I’m sorry I hurt you, that I made you feel unwanted, and that I made you feel like you had to take responsibility for me being a selfish cunt. I never wanted to hurt you, Darcy, but I did and I can’t undo that. All I can do is apologise and tell you how I feel.”
I swallowed, my eyes stinging because none of those words were ones I’d expected to come out of his mouth. I didn’t think I’d ever met a man who’d taken responsibility for his actions before. Except maybe Alfie, after Theo and Laurie had gotten involved.
“And how do you feel?” That was the question I needed him to answer first. Because I couldn’t do anything without that.
“I mean apart from the shame and self-loathing?” His mouth twisted slightly, and it pulled at something in my chest. I bit my lip because I wasn’t about to give in to sympathy. “I fucked up. I should have talked to you weeks ago about how I felt, about how you felt, and what we both wanted from this. I should have been honest with you and opened up more. But it’s also taken theprospect of losing you to make me realise what a selfish fucking coward I am.”
He sighed and shifted slightly, still on his knees in front of me, hands resting on his thighs. “I always thought roaming the world was the only thing I wanted, but now I realise all I was doing was running from myself. I never felt like I belonged here, so I never let myself belong anywhere. You’re the first person I’ve ever really opened up to, and it was only because you opened your heart up to me. I didn’t expect to fall for you, and at the time I wasn’t planning to stay, so for the first time I allowed myself to be vulnerable. To connect with someone. And the last twenty-four hours have made me realise how selfish I’ve always been. I thought I’d found happiness before I met you, but now I know everything else was an illusion. Because I’ve never felt this way about anyone except you.
“I don’t expect you to forgive me. And there are skeletons in my wardrobe I still haven’t confessed to. But I want you to know you’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Darcy. Nobody else will ever come close. And if I could choose anything in this world, it would be you.”
