“Understood,” I say earnestly.
“I just missed you too much to stay mad enough to stay away.” She looks down, embarrassed. “That and Gus really chewed me out for leaving it so long.”
“You needed time.”
She shakes her head, brown curls flying. “I was just looking at everything wrong. Yes, I had every right to be mad at you both for lying. I was more mad at the fact that I gave you both the chance to tell me the truth, but you didn’t. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized the position that Finn was in. I realized that I played a part in it because he did flat-out tell us that you two weren’t dating and we just refused to believe him.”
“You were excited.”
She nods. “So excited. Too excited, I guess. Not at the two of you being together—well, maybe a little—but more at the thought of you two being happy. That’s all I ever wanted for you both. You’re the most important people in my life.”
“And you’re one of the most important people in ours.”
She nods thoughtfully, taking it in. She shifts herself until she’s facing me and grabs my hand. “Okay, be honest with me here. Do you seriously like him?”
My smile is sad, reminiscent. “A bit more than like,” I admit.
“But?”
“But I can’t be with him.”
Wren frowns. “Why not?”
I lean back until my head hits the back of the couch. “At first, it was because we didn’t want anything to affect you if things didn’t work out. Then we realized that we had to break off the fake relationship at some point, so we kind of were going to do that anyway.”
“And now?”
“Well, look at my track record, Wren. It’s not exactly a healthy list. You remember Brandon, that guy who worked in the pharmacy?”
Wren crinkles her nose. “So glad you turned him in for stealing those meds.”
“Tony the magician?”
“In your defense, no one really expects a magician to also be a drug dealer.”
“Michael, the bartender.”
Her nose scrunches more. “Okay, yeah, I can’t back you on that one.”
I lift my hands and throw them back down onto my lap, exasperated. Ollie looks up at me as if wondering why I’m interrupting his peace with loud noises. “You see? My track record is shit. Which means that either they are the problem, or I am. Either way, it’s best not to find out which one with Finn, because it’ll hurt too bad.”
“Oakleigh,” Wren admonishes. “The only thing that’s been the problem with the guys you’ve dated is that they were idiots. Everyone dates an idiot now and then. I was engaged to one, remember?”
“Yeah, but come on,eightidiots?”
“Two, eight, thirty-five, doesn’t matter! It doesn’t mean that all men are idiots. I almost let my relationship with Aaron get in the way of Gus and I, and look at what I would have missed out on. Look, I know that Finn is an idiot sometimes, but?—”
“He’s not,” I say gently. Wren stays silent as I ruminate, as I find the words to describe Finn in my head that would do him justice. “Finn isn’t an idiot. He’s stubborn, sure; annoying, God yes, and no doubt competitive. But his heart is…unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. He’s loyal to a fault, protective of those he cares about, and annoyingly positive. The world gave him a pretty shitty card and yet he’s always seen that the rest of the deck is solid. He knows he’s loved, he just never knew he was lovable. He finds ways to make me smile all the time, even if it’s in the form of an argument. He pays attention to the things that I like and don’t like and always surprises me with them. He’s made mistakes when it comes to me— hell, we both have, but none of those mistakes were made with malicious intent.”
Wren smiles at me, proud and supporting. I’m most likely rambling, but nothing I’m saying is a lie.
“He keeps cherry lip glosses for me for whenever I run out. He makes sure I get to and from work safely, because he knows I’m always exhausted. He brings me cherry pie, just because. He took me to a goddamn cherry festival, just because, and he’s been so supportive of me wanting to be a writer. He’s everything I could have ever wanted in a man, and that scares the shit out of me, which is exactly why I ended things, because if I’m this in love with him now and it only grows down the line, what will happen when he gets bored of me like the others did? What will happen when he?—”
The last word chokes me, gets stuck in my throat with its sour meaning and bitter implication.
Wren leans closer. “When he what?” she asks softly.
I look up at her with wide, tear-filled eyes. “When he leaves.”
