He’s making sense, but he isn’t. This conversation has blindsided me and is leaving me feeling as if I’m somehow missing something. Like there was a change between us that completely passed me by. Or maybe just a change in him.
He seems desperate for this to work. I knew he was worried about Wanda, but this seems almost—and I hate to say this word as it relates to him—impulsive.
The knowledge that his compulsions are becoming frequent sets off a reaction in me that tightens my chest. I can’t imagine what it’s like, sometimes being so out of control of your own mind that it controls you more than you control it. It must be scary; terrifying even.
Ever since our kiss, I had been paying more attention to him. At first, it was purely physical—the definition of his muscles, the way he tends to saunter about as if he has all the time in the world, the way the sun makes the green in his eyes really stand out. After about a month or two, I started to notice other things—the way his smile always faltered when he thought no one was looking, the compulsions that would sneak through now and again. I never brought them up because at the time it never felt like it was my place, but now I’m wondering if I should have seen Finn for what he is and treated him like it, instead of putting our differences in front of me to block it all out. Because at the end of the day, Finn is exactly what I am…human.
For the first time since I met him, I find myself looking at Finn through a new lens. Not one that makes me feel any different about him, but one that opens my eyes to a part of his life that I maybe overlooked before. I acknowledge that it must be hard being Finley Southwick, and that maybe it’s not all as cracked up as he makes it out to be.
ChapterEight
OAKLEIGH
Finn pulls up to my house and puts the car in park.
“I think there’s some things that need to be discussed,” he says, eyes trained on the steering wheel.
“Like what?”
He takes a deep breath and stares out the window.
“I’m going to have to spend a couple of nights at your house.”
“Excuse me?”
“Just one or two nights a week, Lee.”
“The fuck you are!”
He lets out a groan that has no business being as sexy as it is. “Cherry, think about it. I live with my sister. Your best friend. You don’t think it’ll be weird if she sees that the only time I actually spend with my girlfriend is whenever she’s around, too? She’s already dead set on disbelieving us as it is.”
For fuck’s sake.
“There has to be another way. Maybe just going out for a drink…or seven?”
He shakes his head fiercely. “Wren knows I would never do that for a date. I’m not that casual. I plan dinners at home, I take them ice skating, I do whatever I can to think outside the box.”
“I don’t care. You are not spending the night in my house.”
“Think of it like this.” He ignores me completely, turning his whole body toward me. “I’ve just told her that I’m coming to pick you up from work at three in the morning and it’s now five. You really think it’ll seem normal if I drove here from two towns away at the ass-crack of dawn just to drive you home and then give up a chance to sleep next to you?”
If there’s anything I hate more than Finn being smug, it’s Finn being right. Wren would smell a rat from a mile away if he went home now. She would also bring us up on the lack of time spent together.
I let my head flop onto the head rest, closing my eyes and hoping that the pending headache goes away.
“I hate myself for agreeing to this. I didn’t think it would involve the stress of being around you when no one else was watching.”
He’s silent for a while; silent enough that I open my eyes to peek over at him. His hands are fidgeting in his lap while he watches with a pained expression. I frown as I take him in. No comeback? No eye roll at the very least?
“I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. For fuck’s sake!” He bangs on the steering wheel, and I jump. He must have seen it in his peripheral because he turns to me with wide eyes, his hazel gaze swimming in regret.
“Shit, Cherry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, I just?—”
“It’s okay,” I say, and it really is. Yes, we’re enemies, but I have never once feared Finley. The respect he has for women shines through in everything he does. Yes, he doesn’t like me, but you can be damn sure he shows me the respect I deserve. He’s never laid a hand on me in any way that isn’t safe, and he never will.
“It’s just…frustrating,” he mumbles.
“I know.”
