“I was close by. In the area.” He glances toward Pete, who is pretending to polish a glass as he eavesdrops. “I thought I’d stop by to… to…”
“To get a quick fuck?”
“No! To… to see you. I miss you every night I’m not here.”
Shit, my poor heart is responding to the sheepish mumble.
I take a long breath and blow it out, grappling for my normal matter-of-fact calm. “Whatever the reason,” I say in a milder tone, “you can’t come in here and scare away my customers. You can’t do that, Cade.”
“I’ve never done it before. You know I haven’t. And I wouldn’t’ve done it now, but it looked like… he looked like…”
“Like what?” I ask the question even though I already know what he’s trying to say.
And Billy was definitely looking likethat.
“What was he askin’ you when I walked in?”
“How is that your business?”
“You know fuckin’ well why it’s my business. Why are you actin’ this way?”
“I’m acting this way because you’re not being fair to me. You can’t have it both ways. I get we can’t… we can’t go further because you’re—” I shift to a whisper so no one overhears. “—you’re scared I’ll be put in danger, but that means I’m still here doing this job. You can’t have me to yourself. You can’t interfere with my job, especially since it’s this job that’s keeping me alive. You can’t get all bristly and possessive this way. Youcan’t.”
An internal struggle twists on his face until he finally lets out a low groan. “I know I can’t.”
“Do you? Because you came in here like some sort of macho, possessive asshole and?—”
“I know. I know I did. I’m sorry. It’s just that… that… I knew you had customers, but I didn’t think they were like…”
“Like what? Someone who could give me a secure life? Someone whowantsto take the next step with me?”
“Is that what he was askin’?” A fierce anger transforms his expression until he controls it.
I stare at him coolly.
“Damn it,” he mutters. “I know you’re right. But I can’t help it. I don’t want anyone else touchin’ you. Havin’ you. Offerin’ you the life I can’t.”
Part of me recognizes he’s admitting a lot more than he normally does, and that same part of me loves it. Wants more of it.
But I don’t get to indulge in such things.
Not in this shitty world.
“Believe it or not, fucking strangers isn’t what I’d choose if I had better options, but I don’t, so I have to do this anyway. So this—” I make a gesture toward his body to indicate him and his gruff, intimidating possessiveness. “This can’t happen again.”
He reaches out to touch me, but I brush off his hand and step away from him.
I add, “Trevor never should’ve let you in tonight.”
A few minutes later, I’m back in my room, sinking under a bleak weight of coming doom.
In an effort to fight it, I crawl out my window to sit on the roof. There aren’t many stars visible between the clouds tonight, but I don’t care.
I need to draw them anyway.
I need to somehow find a measure of peace so I can sleep and wake up to another day of this life tomorrow.
I’ve been sketching for only a few minutes when a noise from below makes me peer over the edge of the roofline.
