He nods. “You’ll tell me when those babies show up?”
“I will.”
His eyes fall to my stomach, then return to my face. “I got to hold you the night you were born. You were crying but then you stopped and just stared at me. I held you for long that my arms started to hurt but even then I didn’t want to give you back. Did I ever tell you that?”
“No. But I’m glad you told me now.”
Matthias gives Julian a nod of acknowledgement and then hops down the porch steps. He walks briskly to the rental car without looking back and I’m left face to face with Angelo.
Meanwhile, Julian’s three brothers have wandered off the porch to give us a little privacy. They’re having a look at the moonless sky and talking quietly. The temperature must be hovering around freezing but none of them appear to be bothered.
“Go easy on that leg,” I say to Angelo.
He shrugs. “I guess it’s some kind of miracle I avoided getting shot up until now.”
The twins are always more active after a meal. Right now it feels like they’re starting a rock band in my stomach. Rubbing a hand over my belly, I look up at my husband and hope what I’m about to say is all right with him. Julian kisses my forehead and I take this as a sign he won’t mind my next words to Angelo.
“Hey, I know how you feel about the smell of cow shit but maybe you’ll come around and visit us once in a while anyway.”
Angelo glances at Julian and then back at me. “Maybe I could wear, I don’t know, fucking nose plugs or something.”
“I’m sure we can arrange that,” Julian says.
Angelo sniffs out a laugh. Then his chuckle fades and he peers carefully at my face. “Take care of yourself, little sister.”
“You too, Angelo,” I tell him.
Life is nothing if not unpredictable.
Angelo and I have never gotten along. For most of my life I’ve despised him. But the bonds of our childhood and our shared traumas still connect us.
He remembers the things that I remember, the good and the terrible.
The roar of our father’s laughter.
The homemade biscotti perfected by our mother.
The calamitous evening at the vineyard.
The way Gabriel loved magic tricks and computers long before he became a monster.
And my throat tightens with emotion as I watch my brother limp away.
Matthias waits for him at the car, even courteously opens the door so he can hobble inside. The two of them wave before they drive off.
“Did you see that?” Tye points at the sky. “Hell of a shooting star.”
No, I didn’t see it. I’ll probably never be able to scan the night sky again without feeling a pang of sadness after so many years of searching for the Gemini constellation and thinking of Gabriel.
But maybe not. Perhaps I can learn to see the beauty in a moonless sky without a surge of pain. Remembering the good things doesn’t need to automatically summon the bad.
Like I told Julian, we’re surrounded by memories.
But we’re also home. There are so many more memories waiting to be made.
“Come on.” I tug at Julian’s hand and allow him to help me down the slippery porch steps so we can join his brothers in the yard.
Julian isn’t wearing a jacket so I unzip mine before wrapping my arms around him to share my body warmth. There are endless challenges ahead and Julian is the head of the family now. He’s promised that whatever waits beyond the horizon, we’ll confront it together.
