He opens his eyes, and they’re full of pain.
“That’s what hurt me,” I tell him. “Not this.” I gesture between us. “It wasn’t the diagnosis or that we may need help having a family or even the fact that our family may be different than I imagined.”
My voice breaks, and I press a hand to my chest. “What hurt me is that you made this decision for both of us. You decided I would be better off without you and that my dream of having a baby mattered more than my love for you.”
His face twists. “I thought I was doing the right thing.”
Tears roll down my cheeks. “I know.”
He takes a step toward me, then stops.
“I am mad at you,” I say. “I need you to know that.”
He nods slowly. “You should be.”
“But I love you.”
His breath catches.
“I love you, Penn. I love you more than some idea of a perfect family. I want a family, and I’m not going to lie and say I don’t. But whatever our family looks like, I want it with you.”
He looks like I just broke him.
He reaches for me then and pulls me toward him. He wraps his arms around me and buries his face into my neck. “I don’t know how to fix what I did,” he says.
My throat tightens. “You start by not hiding from me anymore.”
He nods. “I can do that.” He pulls back to look at me. “Are you sure about this, Aria? I don’t want you to resent me one day.”
I search his face. “I could never resent you. Plus, you need to know that you’re my family. You are. The rest of it will happen the way it’s meant to. And we don’t have to decide everything tonight. Donor, IVF, adoption, all of it. We don’t have to know right now.”
He nods. “Okay.”
I add. “But we decide together.”
His voice is rough when he says, “Together.”
I lean forward and press my face against him.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers into my hair. “I’m so sorry.”
“I know.”
“I should have told you.”
“Yes,” I say because I’m not going to make it easier than it is. “You should have.”
His arms tighten around me, and I hold on to him too.
For a long time, we just stand here in the living room, holding each other with the truth finally between us.
It doesn’t fix everything, but it’s the first honest thing we’ve had in a long time, and maybe that’s where we start.
CHAPTER 23
PENN
The alarm on my watch goes off in the middle of rounds.
