Elder Arcon’s demeanor is not judgmental. He’s…I have no clue what he’s trying to accomplish here, but I’m willing to play along.
“How…how do I make it into a strength?”
Elder Arcon’s next question almost sends me to my knees. “Do you love her?”
I stop breathing.
It feels as if even my heart freezes for a beat.
I swallow the lump in my throat.
Before I can answer, Elder Arcon says, “If you love her, you must be prepared to let her walk into something you cannot control.” I force a nod. He adds, “Use the uniqueness of your bond to be the safe haven, the grounded space for when the storm rages.”
“Understood.” I manage to force the word out.
“Good.” Elder Arcon nods. Then he gestures at the wall of steel. “Let’s walk you through the basics of tracking a dragon and the nuances of our mountains so you can assist the General when needed.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
PHOENIX
Aweek goes by. Painfully slow. Torturously slow, actually.
Every morning I wake up before dawn so I can spend a couple of hours meditating by myself before breakfast. Afterward, I join my Ezkai for their morning drills. Moving my body in a way that’s familiar is the only thing keeping me sane, because after that, I spend the rest of the day meditating with Kazh.
She keeps me in the meditation room until darkness settles outside the monastery. Every single day. After a late dinner, I head either to the library to read the journals from previous Ezkai who have bonded a dragon, or to the basement to inspect the anatomy of a dragon.
When my head hits the pillow close to midnight, I’m out immediately.
I barely pay attention to Lorca lurking in my mind, or Jax, who always appears to be around. Physicallyandmentally.
This rigorous pace reminds me of my time at the Ezkai Academy when I used to wake up before dawn so I could train with Daegel before the official lectures started.
Nostalgia can be one hell of a bitch.
That’s why every night as I wash the sweat and dirt away, I take more time than I need. With each sweep of the washcloth, I hope to clean away some of the grief that weighs on me. But it clings to me like a stubborn child clinging to a mother’s skirt.
Even in my grief, I’m not alone. With Lorca and Jax always present inside me, I have no privacy.
At least Jax has the decency not to intrude with his thoughts.
Elder Arcon informed me that the monks who track dragons are ready for me, whenever I am. I feel ready. But Kazh doesn’t share my opinion.
She has barred Elder Arcon and the other monks from teaching me the next steps in my journey until she deems me prepared. But apparently meditating for ten hours every day isn’t enough.
While I make enough progress to fall into my body and conjure the entrance to my subconscious with ease every time, once I open that door…well, it never ends well.
Lorca doesn’t always show themself. But I’ve got enough nightmares haunting me as is.
The darkness presses closer. A whisper. A shadow moving where it shouldn’t exist.
With a racing heart, I slam the red door shut behind me and open my eyes.
Kazh stands in front of me with a disapproving look. I groan and rub my face with my hands.
“You don’t have time to waste. You should have mastered it already. I may not always be here to show you,” Kazh says, flatly.
I perk up.
