“Yeah, well…” He shrugs, glancing away.
“What does that mean?”
He doesn’t answer me.
“Kaden, what do you mean?”
He turns to face me and just looks at me, like he doesn’t even know me anymore. Then he swallows, wipes his nose and shrugs again. “I don’t know, Seth. Kinda feels like you just did.”
My heart cracks in two. Three. One thousand pieces.
I swallow again, and wipe my cheeks. “Look, I’ll try harder. When we get back to the city, I’ll get another job. I might need some time to—I’ll do whatever, Kade. Okay? I—Kaden, please.”
He shakes his head before I’ve even finished speaking. “But you lied to me, Seth. I can’t…” He blows out a breath. “It’s not about your feelings. It’s not, but you… I don’t get it.” He shakes his head again. “How could you stand there and just lie straight to my face? When I gave you so many chances to back out? How could you do that?” He looks at me as if I actually have an answer to give him. I don’t.
“I’m sorry.” My voice breaks and I don’t bother wiping away the tears because they won’t stop coming.
There’s an ache inside me, like I’m cracked open and the freezing air around us seeps in, makes itself at home and turns me cold from the inside out.
There’re no walls left, they’re dust. There’s nothing to keep me from breaking. Nothing to shield me with. I’m flayed open. I’ve given it all. He knows everything.
This is strike three. I’m out.
It’s over.
“So, this is it?” I say, voice tight.
“I guess it is.”
I nod, wiping my nose. My hands are shaking so bad I can hardly put my gloves on. Then I look at him. And every time I do, it’s like I shatter again, and again, and again.
“For what it’s worth, I never lied about anything else. Everything I’ve told you was true, everything about me, and everything—”
“Except this.”
“Except this,” I whisper. He bites his lip, nodding before he turns away from me and quickly brushes a hand under his eye.
I turn around, walk over to my board and clip it on.
“I’m gonna go back to the cabin. I’ll pack my stuff, and sleep at my parents’ tonight.”
He doesn’t answer that.
“I’ll go home with them tomorrow, so…” I wipe my eyes and cheeks. “Will you be okay from here?”
He shakes his head. “I’m fine.” The words are clipped and final.
I make it down to the base before I kick off the board. My hands shaking so badly when I reach for my phone that I drop it in the snow. I pick it up and dial.
“Hey! How’s the trip?” Lou asks when she picks up.
“Lou…” My voice is thick, and I try to swallow but it’s impossible.
“What’s wrong?”
“Lou… I told him. I told Kaden.” I crouch right where I am. Clutching the phone so hard, it should hurt, but I don’t feel it. I don’t feel anything except the aching fucking hole in my chest.
“Oh my god,” she exhales.
