“Is anyone hurt? Or sick? Is Seth okay?”
“Shouldn’t you know that?” His eyes are penetrating and I shift on my feet before I drop my gaze to the floor.
“Everything was fine when I left.”Lie. Nothing’s fine. Everything’s fucked up.
“Why didn’t you come back together?”
I press my lips together, crossing my arms and glance away. I see Kit nod in my periphery.
“Right.” He straightens and faces the laptop. “Then maybe you should pick up the phone and ask him yourself.”
I unlock the front door and walk inside. It looks the same as when we left, but it feels empty. My duffel bag lands on the floor with a thump, and then it’s just quiet.
Everything’s so fucking quiet.
I’ve a tight feeling in my chest. Like something’s wrong with my heart. Like it beats at a different pace than before. It’s faster and slower at the same time. It makes me anxious.
I walk to the bedroom. One of my hoodies is still lying on the footboard bench at the end of the bed, right next to one of Seth’s tees. Black and white.
Day and night.
I swallow and continue into the bathroom. I turn the shower on before I strip and step under the spray, trying to wash away something that’s not there. I feel cold and the water isn’t helping.
My knuckles sting from the water. Everything stings. Everything hurts.
I close my eyes and rest my forehead against the tile, breathing in the scents around me—woodsy body wash, and almond. And that hurts too.
Three days. It’s been three fucking days since that night in the snow when everything turned upside down. Three days since I last saw or heard anything from Seth. In the six years we’ve known each other, I’ve never gone so long without him.
I walk past the store on my way from work, before I turn around and go in. I’m on autopilot—I need to just get in and out, like this is any other day. Staring unseeing at the items before me while there’s a turmoil inside me, feelings and thoughts are wreaking havoc, fighting for first place.
I’m angry and sad, and lonely, but most of all, I’m fucking scared. Scared I’ll never see him again. That we—I—took it too far. I can’t get the picture of his tear-filled blue eyes out of my head. He looked so hurt—but he fucking hurt me too.
And then I’m mad again with all these thoughts running through my head. How the fuck didn’t I see it? Did I really think nothing would change between us? And how could he have kept this from me? And for how long? Years? How could he do that to me? To us? How couldIdo this to us? It was my stupid fucking idea, but I didn’t think—
“Hey, Kaden!”
I’m pulled out of my thoughts and look over my shoulder at the person standing a few feet away in the aisle, seeing Jude. A big smile on his face, and shopping basket in hand.
“Got a sweet tooth?” he asks, nodding at the object in my hand. I glance down at the packet of cherry ropes. I don’t know how long I’ve stood here with it in hand.
“Hey, are you alright?” he asks, clapping a hand on my shoulder. I shrug it off and frown at him until he takes a step back.
“Sorry. You look…” He cocks his head. “Is everything okay?”No, you motherfucker, nothing’s okay. Okay?
“I’m fine,” I grit out through my teeth.
He nods, and takes a few steps back. “Alright. I’ll leave you to it.” And before he turns around and walks off, he adds, “Say hi to Seth for me.” And I see red. Or black, or green or whatever the hell it is people see when they’re filled with a fury that can’t be explained.
Like fucking hell will I tell Seth fuckingJudesaid hi.
Seth is mine!
He’s fuckingmine.
He’s…
I glance down at the candy in my hand, and suddenly I’m hit with a pang in my chest, and I’m assaulted with images rushing through my head so fast, I almost trip. I can’t make sense of them and then… Seth.
