My Seth. My best friend. My person.Mine.
His blue eyes, like sapphire.
His dimple when he shoots me that lopsided smile.
How he throws his head back when he laughs.
His hoarse voice.
His hands, arms, chest.
His lips—that fucking pouty bottom lip.
My heart starts racing and I’m assaulted with more sensations.
How he feels in my arms.
His soft—so fucking soft—skin.
His taste.
His scent.
His—
Oh shit! Jesus, fucking fuck!
I drop the candy on the floor and then I speed-walk out of the store. As soon as I exit, I start running. Sprinting all the way, and up the stairs, heart in my throat.
Please, be back. Please, be back. Please, be back.
I fight with shaking hands to get the key in the lock before I fling the door open.
“Seth!”
I almost trip on my duffel bag still lying by the door where I dumped it the other day as I run from the hallway into the living room and kitchen. It’s empty.
Fuckfuckfuck!
I know he’s not here even before I turn around and run into the bedroom, and check the bathroom. But where the hell is he? And what the fuck have I done?
I tug at my hair, heart racing, and fuck, I’m so stupid.
I’m so goddamn stupid!
There’s a manic huffing laugh leaving me, and then I crouch on the floor, still tugging at my hair. And I feel like I’m back in my basement, with images of Seth running through my head, like when everything started.
And I can’t fucking breathe.
Two days later, I’m lying in the bed. The duvet’s pulled up to my ears, and I press my face into the white hoodie. Inhaling, I squeeze my eyes closed. The scent is wearing off after sleeping with it for the past five days. It’s not the same. Nothing’s the same anymore.
I tried calling Seth before, but was sent straight to voice mail, and I got so mad I threw my phone at the wall. The feeling in my chest hasn’t gone away. It only gets worse.
I hug the pillow and the hoodie, and try to force sleep to come. But it doesn’t. Not this night either.
It’s been six days.
Last night I went into the bathroom, digging through the drawers like a mad man. I found what I was looking for in the far back. It was almost empty, but I squeezed some out into my hand and smeared it over my forearm, pressing my nose there and inhaling.
