I let Kaden take the reins and I loved every second of it. I loved how he flipped me around, pounded into me, and hit myprostate like he had a fucking map to it. I loved everything about it. Even if it makes me feel all flared open now.
I need to snap out of it before he notices, so I clear my throat, take a step away from him and grab the shampoo. I work it into my hair as I turn around to face him. He grabs the body wash from the shelf, lathering it up in his hands as he watches me. I shoot him a lopsided smile, and he smiles back before he drops his gaze to the floor.
“Are you sore?” he asks, washing his arms and chest. I follow the movements with my eyes before I step under the spray, rinsing out the shampoo.
“A little,” I chuckle.
“Was I too—”
“No,” I cut him off, shaking my head. Pinching my nose of water and look at him. “No, you were, uh…” I chuckle, and he hides his smile by looking down to the floor again.
And it’s weird and not at the same time. Like we’re all giddy and… I’m not used to that. I don’t know how to do this.
I find myself staring a little too long at him again. At his cupids bow, at the muscles in his arms, his chest. His abs, his strong thighs, and when he looks up at me, I close my eyes, and try to let the water wash away everything.
When we get out of the shower, we dress in silence, before Kaden drops down on my couch with a long exhale. I’m by the kitchen island, leaning back, arms crossed, staring at him, and I’m as close to panic as one can be.
I can’t hide with him here, but I can’t just kick him out and I can’t leave because, well, this is my apartment.
So, instead, I do what any sane person would and unleash the crazy on him.
“Isn’t it mind-blowing that we’ve known each other for almost seven years, and we’re still learning new things about eachother?” I blurt out. “Like, who knew you were so vocal in bed? I mean, I guess all of your exes know, and maybe a few other people, too.” A nervous laugh slips out of me. “But I never knew that. I mean, you didn’t blabber or anything, but I mean, it’s kinda crazy if you think about it. Everything we don’t know about each other. And did you know I—”
“Seth?” he says, looking at me.
“Yeah?”
“Are you freaking out?”
“What?” I shriek. “No! No. No, I’m not freaking out.” I shake my head, dragging my hands down my sweats. “Are you freaking out?”
He stands and walks over to me, tilting his head. “You wanna talk about it?”
“Talk about what?” That nervous laugh again slipping out. “I’m fine. We’re fine. This is fine.” I take a breath. “I’m fine.”
He nods. “Obviously.”
I sigh, dropping my shoulders. Swallowing, eyes darting around everywhere as I scratch my eyebrow.
“You want me to leave?” he says, and I lock my gaze with his. My heart beating fast and hard. I don’t want him to leave but I don’t want him to see me likethis.
It’s already too late though, and something about what he sees makes him take a step closer to me and pull me into a hug. Arms wrapping around me, chest against mine, and I completely melt against him. Closing my eyes, I hug him back, resting my forehead against his shoulder. I take a deep breath, inhaling his scent and the smell of my body wash on his skin, and feel my pulse slowing down.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble into his hoodie.
“For what?”
“I don’t know.”
We stay quiet for a while, just holding each other. He strokes me over my back, and I sigh.
Then he swallows. “Do you think we crossed a line?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like, can we still be us? After… this?”
Little too late for that on my part.I swallow down that thought.
