“Yeah, of course.”
He nods. “Do you regret it?”
“No,” I shake my head. “I’m just…”
“Yeah… Me too. A little.”
I exhale a laugh. “Because it’s me or because it was your first time with a guy?”
“Both?” he chuckles. “And because I liked it,” he adds, mumbling, stroking a hand over my back.
He liked it. He’s not disgusted or freaked out or…
He liked it.
“I liked it, too,” I whisper.
“Good,” he whispers back. “’Cause I wanna do it again.”
My eyes widen. “Now?” I ask loudly which makes him startle a little and then he chuckles.
“No. Not now. Some other time,” he says. “Right now, I’m hugging my best friend because he’s a stubborn asshole who can’t admit when he needs it.”
I snort but don’t protest, because he’s right. And he can have this one.
So, we keep holding each other, and I could stay like this forever, and it’s a dangerous thought.
And it’s dangerous how he makes me feel, and how he makes me give myself over to him. I try to keep it in place, to be the one leading, not to cross any of my boundaries but he makes me blind. He makes me push my limits, stretching them until I can hardly see them from where I stand.
And he doesn’t even know it. He’s not doing it on purpose. He doesn’t have to when I’m letting him by just being him. When he holds me like this, I feel exposed and sheltered at the same time. I feel safe with him, even though I shouldn’t be because I think he’s the only one who could finally break me.
48
Kaden
"Alittle,"Isaid.More like, abso-fucking-lutely yes, I’m freaking out. I just had the best sex of my life.
With my best friend.
Of course, I’m freaking out.
But Seth seemed to be having a harder time than I did, so I downplayed it. A lot. There’s so much to unpack here, I don’t even know where to start.
But this is yet another reason why I basically never do one-night stands. You don’t have mind-blowing sex with someone you’ve just met. At least I don’t. I can’t let go and be in the moment with someone I barely know.
But I know Seth. He’s my person.
Honestly? Yeah, it makes me a little anxious that he had a harder time than me processing this. And I’m still worried this was a step too far. And maybe that’s why he freaked out. Because he realized that, while I still rode on the high wave a post-orgasmic bliss.
But he said we’re good, so… We’re good. I trust him.
It’s Friday and Seth’s at his parent’s house. He left right after work, and won’t be back until sometime tomorrow.
I’m so fucking relived that after our little freak-out the other night, everything’s been back to normal. As in, we’re still hanging out and hook-up like nothing major happened. I meant what I said to Seth some weeks ago. I really,reallylike what we’re doing but I’m not losing my best friend over it, and if it’d turned out that having sex was the deal breaker, I’d have stopped everything right away.
Ollie and Finn’s been blowing up my phone about getting together and playing some night, and I dread it. I miss playing, but I'm still shaken after my cold—because I'm a fucking loser, what else is new? —so I’ve been dodging their texts and calls for a week now.
But it’s Friday, and I don’t want to sit at home doing nothing, counting the hours until Seth comes home. Even though I’d rather spend my Friday night at his place, playing games, eating junk food, and watching him squirm beneath me as I thrust—
