Wow! Okay, that escalated quickly.
But I can’t get the image out of my head. Ever since that night, I keep staring at him at the studio, watching his movements, thinking about how he moved on top of me, under me. I’ve been forced to adjust myself behind the counter more times than I’d like to admit over the last couple of days.
And I don’t know if it’s the whole forbidden thing—wanting to fuck your best friend—or if it’s just cabin fever, but I think about him more often than not. I want to be close to him, touch him, watch the way the corner of his lips tilt on one side before it turns into a full-on smile.
I want him to slide his hand into my hair, scraping his nails on my scalp. I always get goosebumps when he does that.
It’s like I’m more skin hungry now that I’ve had a taste, than I was before all of this started.
What really throws me is that he’s trying to hide stuff from me. Like the fact that he’s a cuddler. If we’ve already crossed the line with sex, what’s the big deal about a hug? It’s not like we’ve never hugged before. He’s always been a touchy-feely person with everyone he meets. And I kind of like dozing off in someone’s arms for a while after sex.
But it’s like he can’t decide if he should stay or go. Sometimes he pulls me in, and then he shoves me away right after. It’s only when I take the lead and wrap my arms around him that he lets go and let it happen.
I pick up my phone, glancing at the last text from Ollie, and sigh. Maybe I could go over, keep my distance, and jam for an hour or two, and then wash my hands for a really long time after?
I exit the message thread and pull up Seth’s last text.
Sethele
Do it!! Go be the reason the devil's fucking nervous!
It doesn’t even make sense, but I smile anyway, pulling up Ollie’s contact and call him.
“I’m so fucking glad you came, Kaden! It’s not the same without you. Jason’s alright, but he’s not…” Ollie says, glancing at Finn.
“He’s no Kaden Merrick,” Finns adds, making my head blow out of proportions.
“Thanks!” I chuckle, closing the lid on my guitar case, and stand. “It was fun. I’ve really missed this.”
“Don’t let it go a year before we do this again,” Finn laughs.
“I won’t! See you guys later.”
I exit the garage where I’ve spent not one, but four hours jamming with Finn and Ollie. We used to do this all the time. It’s insane how to think about that that was my normal before—hanging out, playing until my fingers hurt and Finn’s voice got raw and Ollie’s hair was sweat-slicked along his temples sitting behind the drums.
It’s weird to think about how my new normal is not seeing these guys weekly, and be fine with it. Not playing music more than home alone, when music used to be the only thing I could think about.
A year and a half, is that all it takes for life to turn into something you don’t recognize, then something you’re used to, and suddenly, it’s not even something you raise your eyebrows at?
I pick up my phone that I haven’t looked at since I came here, noticing four new texts from Seth.
Sethele
Kadeeyyy
Kaade
im drunj
one day ill wife you an you big dick up!!!
I laugh a little under my breath. He must be drunk of his ass. His parents have a pretty impressive wine collection, and Seth’s always talking about how they buy expensive bottles, and go towine tasting events frequently and then overwhelm Seth with all this information about tannins and whatever.
I hit call on Seth’s contact as soon as I enter my apartment. It’s almost two a.m., and he might be asleep but as I hesitate, my thumb hovering over the red button to end the call, he answers.
“Kadeeeey,” he squeals.
I chuckle. “Yo!”
