The next part was Letitia’s fault entirely.
She wanted to blame Ezra for his damnable goodness. She wanted to blame everyone else she’d ever met for never giving her something so simple—for never acting like what she wanted actually mattered.
But no. It was all her.
She leaned in, and she kissed him.
He sucked in a breath as their lips met, his hand cautious as it rose to cup her cheek. She allowed herself to melt into his touch, embracing the comfort of his warm hands on her and his warmer lips parting softly beneath hers.
His tongue touched lightly at her lower lip, and she parted further, letting him in,welcominghim.
There was less urgency to this kiss than the ones before. This was another lie they were telling themselves, Letty knew. They were kissing as if they had endless chances when they should not even be taking this one.
She could not seem to stop herself, however. What was it about this man that made her so weak? And yet, she could not even manage toregretwhat she was doing, either.
She wanted to believe the lie, just for a little bit longer.
Ezra was the one to pull back, though.
“No,” he said, the word barely more than a breath as he pulled his lips away from hers. He pressed their foreheads together, holding onto her cheek as if it took all his strength just to break apart their lips. “No, Letty…”
For a moment, there was only silence between them, silence and the sound of their breaths. Letitia was painfully aware of the open door behind them, and the fact that anyone could walk past, but still. She could not bring herself to pull away.
“Letty,” he breathed again, and she felt tears prick behind her closed eyes. “I am not a man who has ever cared about rules.” He huffed a humorless laugh. “Hell, you know that. I behaved wretchedly when trying to get you to come here to work with Iris.”
She tried to laugh, but she felt a great deal more like crying.
“Indeed. You were dreadfully irritating.”
He rolled his forehead slightly against hers. “I don’t regret it. Rules… I know I am lucky enough to be allowed to flout them. I have exploited that privilege ruthlessly. I have tricked, schemed, and lied. I have never cared for the risk.”
He pulled back so their heads were no longer bent together, though he did not yet remove his hand from her face. She opened her eyes to see him watching her with a tenderness that she dared not name.
“But I care about the risk to you,” he said. “I care becauseyoucare. So I will behave myself—perhaps for the first time in my life. I just… I need you to know that it isn’t because I don’t want you. It’s because of how much I want you. I need you to understand that.”
He was being so earnest, so kind. So generous and lovely and vulnerable.
Those qualities had never hurt so much. Letitia felt as though he was cutting out her heart.
“I understand,” she said. She could not manage to force anything more through the tightness in her throat.
He gave her a sad smile, his eyes bright. He let out one more shaky breath.
And then he let his hand drop. He put his hands on his own knees and pushed himself up and away.
Letitia didn’t move. She might shatter, if she did. She wasn’t even certain how she was still breathing.
When he reached the door to the parlor, he paused. Then, without turning his back, he said, “I am glad that you told Iris you would visit. You already know her better than anyone. And I am glad that, despite everything that has happened, she will not lose you.”
He left, and Letitia sat there, her trembling hands pressed to her stomach, as if she could hold herself together just by sheer will.
She might not be losing Iris. And that was a blessing. It was.
But shewouldbe losing Ezra. And that hurt a great deal, indeed.
* * *
Ezraneededto leave his house after that. If he didn’t, he was going to end up doing something very, very stupid.
