Pulse racing, I force my fingers to let go of his shirt andtry to match my breaths to his. He’s still so close, and I can’t think.
When my lungs begin working on their own again, Sullivan lowers his hands to my heated cheeks. I avert my gaze. This is so embarrassing. How can I look at the brother who’s not a brother when we just had our mouths fused together? And why did I jump to kissing him to prove a point?
But the strong hand that turns my chin doesn’t let me hide. “There’s no undoing that kiss, Emma.”
“Kisses,” I absently correct, still in shock.
It was definitely more than one. And I know. There’s absolutely no way I can look at him and not immediately recall what he did to me. What we did to each other. The very idea of that should feel scandalously wrong, but it doesn’t. It only makes me want more.
“I’m scared.” The words slip out through swollen lips that still tingle from how thoroughly he claimed them. So many feelings tumble around inside me, and I don’t know what to do with them.
“Don’t be scared. I’m still your Sully.” He rubs a thumb over my mouth, his own lips faintly tipping up when I shiver at the sensation. “But I’m also not your brother. And after the way you melted in my arms and kissed me back, I don’t think you feel like my sister, either.”
He’s right, damn him. But I could really use a change of topic right now. I pull back a few inches and hug my arms to my chest. “You really were adopted?”
Sullivan’s hand drops away as he stares off into the distance, and I’m grateful for the small reprieve. “Yep. And believe me, Ma and Pa are my real parents as far as I’m concerned. Ever since I was five or so. I guess that’s how old I was because I don’t really know my true birthday. Butthere’s something inside me that just has to find out for myself why…” A muscle twitches in his jaw as his words trail off.
When his eyes meet mine again, I’m taken aback at the turmoil I see in them. “Bad things happened to me before they found me. Things that keep me up at night sometimes. And if I have any chance to maybe find out why my first parents gave me up or sold me or whatever they did, I’ve got to take it. That means leaving Hope’s Stand and setting off on my own.”
“So that’s why you have nightmares?” I ask in a small voice. “Because you were hurt?”
“Yeah,” he rasps. “That’s why.”
My mind races trying to make sense of everything he’s saying. Why would he sleep on the floor instead of his bed? It’s not like the bed is uncomfortable. The only reason that someone would avoid a bed is if…
No.
Please, not that.
“Oh, Sully.” Sharp agony pierces my chest because all I see is Sullivan as he is now, tall and broad and strong with a quiet smile. But he was once a little boy with loose blond curls and his mismatched eyes. Eyes that maybe didn’t hold the pain they do now.
And it’s for the small boy he was that my tears fall.
“Don’t cry, Emma. Not for me.” Sully pulls me to his chest and kisses my hair as I make a mess of his shirt. It’s a hug like the thousands we’ve shared before, but at the same time, it’s not. “It was a long time ago.”
“But you were so young and innocent, and it must have been truly horrendous if you still have nightmares about it.” And I’ve been so mean to him. So very cruel. “I’m sorry I told you to stay in your stupid woods. I didn’t mean it.”Hopefully he can make sense of what I’m saying through my halting sobs.
“Shush now,” he soothes. “There’s nothing to say sorry for. I know you didn’t mean it. I should’ve thought better on how to tell you instead of blurting it out like that.”
“Don’t leave,” I beg, grabbing his hand.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Another tender forehead kiss that I shouldn’t crave feeling more of. “Just staying right here in this tree with you.”
“No, I mean don’t leave Hope’s Stand yet.”Don’t leave me.
A strange light comes into his eyes. “You know…” Sullivan clears his throat. “You could, uh, you could come with me. If you want.”
I suck in a shaky breath as my tears stall. Go with him? “That would mean leaving everyone at home.” Momma, Papa, and Cecily. Grandma and Grandpa. Uncle Jed, Aunt Dove, and my cousin Ransom. But would that really be better than the other option of forever missing Sullivan? For what it’s worth, I’ve always loved spending time with him when he was my brother. Even with the kiss, would things have to change that much?
The knot in his throat bobs. “It wouldn’t be forever. And we could still come back to visit.”
A cardinal pair lands on one of the oak branches, and I watch them for a moment. The male is so attentive to the female, stopping every so often to offer her a bit of seed. If I go with Sully, I’ll be dependent on him for food and shelter. Just like this female bird is with her mate.
Mate.
What does that mean for me and Sullivan?
I bite my bottom lip that’s still puffier than usual. “If I did go, what would it be as? Like, who would I be to you?” I don’t even know how we’d get there and if I’d have my ownbed or—oh God, why does this make my insides so quivery—if I’d sleep in his.
